How to deal with a Bad Kisser?

Too many articles have been written on kissing the right way, the French way, the platonic way, the passionate way – this one is on what to do when our partner kisses you the wrong way! Getting rid of the person is the easiest solution, but staying with a charmer/ lover/ cute pie, who does everything perfectly but is a bad king of kiss is a challenge. After all, kissing is more intimate than sex!

Something’s not right: Figure out what it is that you don't like about the kiss (especially if you are kissing the person for the first time). Detail it in writing for clarity, bad breath, is it sloppy, too much biting, you can’t breathe, are his/her hands in inappropriate places, does s/he grab and grope or simply stand there like a mannequin? Read your instinctual responses and you will get a fair picture of what is it that you like (read the unsaid). Figure out what you can change, what is a non-negotiable (bad breath) and weigh the two. You will know if you want him/her for keeps by that.

Dicey tongues: This can be difficult, because we generally like different kinds of kisses at different times. If you have a hard time defining a good kiss, you probably won't have too much trouble determining what you don't like about your partner's kissing style. Think about it, and identify the real problems so you can coach your partner along. Figure out, is the person really a bad kisser, or are you just used to something else? Keep an open mind and, as long as you're not disgusted, give it a little time. You may come to like the way your new partner kisses.

Look within: Do you really like the person? If you don't feel passion for a person, anything they do can seem wrong. Search your feelings for him/her. Is it worth spending training time or are you better off without?

Set a good example: Before having any conversation about his/her kissing techniques, go the natural way. When you kiss, do it your way, subtly guide your partner into what you like. That is by far the easiest way to teach, as kissing is more about going with the flow than following instructions.

Take the lead: Kissing is an interactive experience; partners often subconsciously take turns to lead and follow a kissing pattern. When it's your turn to lead, make it count.

Give your partner signals: When your partner kisses you in a way that you really don't like, don't be awkward to say so. Pulling away would be strong repulsive reaction.

Use body language Use your hands, tilt your head, guide or stop his/ her wandering hands. If the hints don’t work, use a little force, a gentle slap on the hand or a whisper about how they are getting into dangerous territory too soon. Equally important is that when your partner does something you like, let him/her know.

Faking it: Do not fake a moan, hold him/her closer, melt in his/her arms, and grab hair etc… unless it comes naturally and instinctively. Watching too many movies does that to you! They make you think that a bad kiss will pass off, and things will get better automatically. However, doing the above is giving a full blown green signal. On a more serious note, you are misleading the partner!

Treat is as a Job: Most bad kissers aren't bad all the time; you must use your discretion to tell them what works for you. Dirty talk helps. If you do end up having to talk to him or her about it, you don't want to just say, "You’re a horrible kisser." You want to offer constructive input. Positive reinforcement, you see! Give opportunities to change and reward them for a job well done. Keep reinforcing what you like and discouraging what you don't, and your bad kisser may become a good kisser without you ever having to repeat yourself.

Give first: Ask your partner what he/she likes about your kiss, how it makes him/her feel? Can s/he feel the ‘taste of you’ long after? What would blow his/her mind off? Does s/he like the tongue swirl, the passionate lip lock, or the butterfly kisses? Show that you care to please him/her as much or more than you are demanding. The response to please you will follow quite instantly.

Open your mind: A different kisser opens a big fun-bag of opportunities. When you are training someone to kiss you your way, leave some room for experimentation. Or you’d end up as a bad kisser, rigid without repair. If you tell a responsive partner exactly what you like and are too stubborn in this, you may find that you always get kissed the same way, which is mundane.

Wisdom

D dramaking n I had a small chat bout our failed n failing relationships. His love is barren n my goblet appears to be porous.

Here's what we concluded n learnt:

We r too open, we must restrain our need to share it all with our lovers. D when, what n how much is shared is very valuable. That defines our peace of mind, our worth and our future. We must be transparent yet opaque. After all a mirage is more beautiful than d oasis.

Language and us

My moms conversation with d Gardner:
Mom: tum aadhe jheene main aao. Tum ko oradne ka hai. Tumne zhaad barobar nahi kataa.
Gardner to me: babhi kounsi basha main Baat kar rahi hai?

Janta gyaan

Someone in d world will always be ahead of you, someone will always be behind you. You are your own competition - coz frankly, K, no one is that bothered!

lesson learnt

Never let common sense interfere with your love.

Sunshine

Sunshine's Twitter message was - Happiness is a mostly a decision.
I second that. 

Attraversiamo

"Its time", he said. There was no cajoling, no asking, no pretence of loving. That is all he said.

She walked in the dark of the night, awake in a daze of jet lag with a hazy picture and an out-of-focus image of everything she passed by. The 10 step towards a bed that promised to keep her warm in an unusually cold country. As she tucked herself under the comforter, she slid btw his skin and the bone, unknowingly.
It was the most natural action of a subconscious mind.

The Storm Bearer walked in empty handed and calmed the cold winds with a whisper. With no spoken words, hands were held. Confidants were found and two exhausted souls slept in the warm fury of their new found bed of crimson joy.

My Mind on Facebook

11:32am
I never feel alone, coz everyone I meet is fighting their own battle....

2:31pm
Some other place, some other time ... would have been nice

3.07pm
is asking d dogs of d world to leave d cat alone.

4.24pm
Needs respite from harassment - filial, emotional and mental. Love, you will have to be more patient - at least till the storm bearer takes charge of the whirlwind.

10:13am
 principium individualtionis
 

 

Ditching and Searching

In doubt i am,
We have a sorta skin deep platonic relationship.
Doubt seems to be my perfect companion.
We doubt if we'd be together. I hope not.
He is a silly kinda guy.
Yup it is Mr. Doubt. Don't think a woman could have such leech-like tendencies.

I am going to take a break from us, Mr. D.
I need to stretch my legs, go for a run, open my arms and do too many difficult things.

To,
Mr. Courage,


i hope you are available.


From,
the eternal K

Quit it !

Who the F*%@^ are you to tell me that my queer friends are not good enough?

Delhi diary - Unimpressed

When i started going to college, eons ago, my dad told me that you are treated the way you want to be treated. It has ever since stuck in my mind along with 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'. My 72 hour trip to Delhi made my blood boil at many junctures.

Women in Delhi only have boobs, no balls; who let men treat them as pieces of meat. Mumbai women have a rack and ample steel. Whereas women in Delhi turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to all the lewd sexual remarks or exhibitionism made in daylight, D Mumbai woman will deep fry your sausage.

Very unimpressed Delhi!

I need to end this!

Endings are just beginnings backwards. I am making a start.

For my Forever Lover !

Dear Never Husband,

I may never be your 2nd, 3rd, 4th wife... but I will always be the love of your life. Can't deny that, you have said it too many times aloud. Happy to have known that - with many conversations, plates piled high with food, failed business ideas, failed friendships, spiraling expectations, self-punishments, extreme pragmatism, infallible love and endless walks - you make my day.
Every time I meet you, you make my day. 

As of today, I promise to take out my Ferrari, regularly. Promise.

Lots of love and hugs.

Neil Gaimon, I love you

I love you... in ways that i have loved many many minds


I evoke The Sandman , actually the endless - i call upon Destiny, dream,desire, despair, delirium and death. I seek a family reunion, visit me - my friends, my confidants,my saviors; make a visit.

Can we never be blank?

Emotion across the world has just one enemy:
the eyes.
defiant deceitful and disloyal.

Choosing the right skin foundation

A 4-step guide, tells you how to choose your crème and powder wisely!

Walk into a Make-up store
Choose a brand only after you have visited other stores. Be aware that all brands (no matter how renowned) do not suit all skin types. Be open to experimentation and because your foundation is going to be the closest product to your skin, it will take sometime to find the right one! Lakme, M.A.C, Clinique, L’Oreal, Make Up For Ever and many make-up and skin care brands have stores across the city.

Quit the Guessing Game
Warning: No ‘one’ formula suits all skin types. Talk to the beauty expert or the makeup artist a the salon, find out which formula suits your skin the best depending on your skin’s warm or cool undertone (whether you go pink or yellow in the sun. People have one of these three undertones: pink, neutral or yellow), shade (M.A.C has the largest range of skin shades), type (dry, combination, oily, normal) and needs of a sensitive skin (acne prone, open pores, blemishes, allergies). Especially for everyday wear, ask the consultant for sweat proof, long wearing foundations with an SPF count. Estee Lauder’s Double wear stay-in-place makeup with SPF 10 sustains up to 12 hours wear.

Amongst Clinique’s non-comedogenic (non-pore clogging) products, the Super Moisturize and Super Balanced are for dry and combination skin respectively. Their finest, the Treatment Foundations for extremely sensitive skin are worth every rupee. M.A.C, on the other hand, has a range of foundations that double up as concealers. “For a natural finish, apply Mac studio moisture fix, followed by a Mac prolong wear foundation” said Vimi Joshi, senior artist, M.A.C.

Time is the Best Test
Brands divide their foundations either into numbers or shades. “When selecting a shade, try it on your face. Trying a foundation on your hand doesn't work as your hand is a different colour to your face. Try the foundation on your jaw line, so that the beauty consultant can match it with your neck. Blend the colour and if it disappears, it's the right shade,” advices Lisa Whyte from Clinique. Buy a foundation during the day and judge the way it makes your skin appear in white and day light. Keep it on your skin for an hour and check for, patchiness, grey shades, itching and redness.

Preparing your Skin for a Flawless Foundation
Step one is to exfoliate and hydrate the skin before applying a sunscreen. Step two is to blend in the foundation with your finger tips or using a brush. Step three is to use a setting powder to achieve an even finish. Make Up For Ever’s HD finishing powder is by far the best in the range. Carry a compact foundation or loose powder in your vanity kit for regular touch-ups during the day, Lakme and L’Oreal’s range of compacts work do a fantastic job.

Where to pick up from?

Mumbai
M.A.C: 32 Altamount Road, Tel: 22 2354 1097, Web: www.maccosmetics.com
Clinique: Shoppers Stop 211 D, S V Road, Andheri West, Tel: 9619634254, Web: www.clinique.in
Makeup Forever: www.makeupforever.com
Lakme Salon: J Tata Road, Opp Eros Cinema, Churchgate, Tel: 2204 2104, Web: www.lakmeindia.com

Four things to shop for in Puducherry!

Mementos for Memories

I find that market walks are a blissful way to achieve retail nirvana!

After a lesson in higher living at the Sri Aurobindo Ashram and Auroville, you ought to take keepsakes back home. Shopping in Puducherry is a better than Chennai as the taxes are low or non existent. We tell you four most popular take-aways that’ll bring a smile on your face and remind you of your Puducherry travels!

Known for its traditional dolls, the colourful Bommai dolls made from the terracotta, papier mache and plaster of Paris and are available at handicraft emporiums all over the city. The cutest to picks are: a Tamil couple (the man in large handlebar moustache and the wife covered in gold jewellery) dressed in traditional mundu and the bobble head idols of goddesses in a dance pose.
Best Deal: Make an appointment with the artisan and cajole him into custom-making small dolls of you and your family friends!

Sheep leather wallets, satchels, knapsacks, belts and clutch purses are made here. The quality is excellent; the variety in colours and shapes will amaze you.
Best Deal: Shop on Nehru Street and Casablanca shopping centre, look for factory surplus.

Ceramic pottery artisans in Auroville are very famous for their distinctive modern twists in clay and slate-glazed pottery called ‘golden bridge’ and ‘rhinestone art’. The traditional ‘kottaikorai’ style of clay pottery, whose texture resembles an orange peel, is more utilitarian though.
Best Deal: Pick up a glazed ashtray, table ware or a clay cooking pot.

Hand woven Korai (a species of grass) mats and textiles like satin, twill corduroy; poplin, chambray, oxford and cambric and khadi are available at economical prices. Varieties of crisp printed cotton, and mixed fabrics are very commonly found on the Mahatma Gandhi Street whereas Jawaharlal Nehru Street is ideal for picking up garments and surplus prêt couture.
Best Deal: Request the shopkeeper to get a dress tailor made for you, from your chosen fabric.

Other knick-knacks to pick up are perfumed candles, silver and organic jewellery, home-made jams and pickles, antique wooden furniture and curios for home décor.

Getting There:
Road: Three hours from Chennai, buses from are frequent, and cost about Rs60. It is much cheaper and more convenient to book a taxi to pick you up from the airport, or contact your guesthouse directly for the same.

Hairdos for My party!

Your ensemble will dictate the kind of hairstyle you could have; but why not turn it around? Match your dress, accessories and shoes to an exciting yet easy coiffure. Figure from the list below where your hair-length fits and what hairdo you can experiment with.

# Using Hair Embellishments
Accessories are in vogue, brooches, butterfly claws, Alice head bands, barrettes, bobby pins, hair nets, tick tacks, feather clips, necklaces, earrings or tiaras tastefully transform any hairdo. Choosing the right accessory to your personality will enhance your sex appeal. However two things to remember: Plastic accessories spell cheap and multi coloured hair bands/nets/feathers cannot be paired with a multi coloured dress – it would be a colour chaos and should be avoided at all cost. It is best to do a dress rehearsal wearing your accessories.

# Using Colour, Glitter Strings or Weaves

The solid colours look great only if you can carry off the punk look. Black and white shaded hair looks mesmerizing, if you can pull it off. Streaking is a good idea. Highlights like glittering strings, a bead braid or woollen strings will improve the hairdo.  

1. For Long Hair

Dressy Braids
Braided hair can be very stylish, if you play around with the braiding styles. The best part about braided hair is that they do not need to be managed. French braids are a very popular and they can be dressed up by weaving a strand of sparkly ribbon through the braid. You could also add tiny rhinestone clips, barrettes on the sides of the head or use a multicolour scrunchie to tie the tail if the braid. To liven up your hair do, experiment with many thin braids all over your scalp or straighten your hair and braid only a small portion on either side of your head. You could also streak or colour this braid. 

Chignons and French Rolls
You simply can't go wrong with these two, they have been in fashion forever! They work fabulously on any hair type: straight, curly or wavy hair. You just need the length to get the hair in the roll and girdle it with a net or a ring of flowers or a large diamond/ multicoloured studded claw.

The Pompadour
Derived from Madame de Pompadour, this hairstyle has been seen on the ramp and on magazine covers through decades. There are many new variations to the pompadour and while styling you could create your signature quiff. The fun part is that you could accessorise it in three parts – first the poof, then the bun and finally the tail. If you have curling tongs, do curl up the tail for a sexy swoosh. Reverse is required for curly haired ladies, use a wavy or a straightening iron, but do not over do.

2. For a Short Crop
Pixie is by far the most popular hairstyle due to its tomboyish and androgynous appeal. If you have a small body frame, the pixie haircut with an Alice head band, your necklace around your head or if you have string necklace with small beads then you could use half a dozen of multicoloured ones on the head.

You could go full colour, say a solid blue, olive green or red and use a black or yellow tick tacks to raise eyebrows and make heads turn. Remember that it can be tasteful and wild at the simultaneously, so die your hair correctly. 

A sexy bob is by far the most appealing hair style in the books. It is ideal to wash your hair and decide whether you want to in curl or out curl them. Depending on that you could choose a dozen accessories including a barrette, a hair band, a brooch or feather clips, a single flower, a net, or add glittering strands in various colours.   

3. For Shoulder Length Hair

Front Hair Poof is a coy hairstyle that can be pulled off with ease and secure it with tick tacks, bobby pins (use shocking colours), butterfly claws and barrettes. It is a must that you choose a well embellished and a stand-out accessory.

 
If you have a well defined jaw line or thin hair then it would be advisable to add volume to your hair. In both cases backcombing brings out the brilliance in hair texture and defines your face.  You could glamorize it with a long brooch by the side of your head.

The other way around is to part curl your hair at the ends and the front bands, swirl it back in a curl and use an accessory (a rhinestone clip or a studded tick tack)to hold it in place.  

Restaurant Review Mia Cucina

The Italian Job 

Mia Cucina’s small sign can be easily overlooked in the chaos of banners and other restaurant signs on the busy Versova road. The restaurant is along the main road and shares its wall with WTF bar. This common wall has pretty white flowers painted all over it. The courtyard’s al fresco seating is cosy and soothing to the eye, flowers and potted plants line the inner wall of the courtyard; and the entire setting reminds you of a dining scene out of an American movie on Italian Mafia.

The ambience inside is similar to that of a small café, with music playing in the background, photo frames of vegetables hanging on the walls, bottles of wine and olive oil sitting on the shelves. Though the restaurant was crowded on a on a weekday rainy evening, we are unsure of how well the outdoor seating will be appreciated in Mumbai’s summers. 

Mia Cucina (my kitchen in Italian) serves standard Italian fare: salad, soup of the day, pasta and risotto, pizza, carne (meat) pesce (fish) and desserts. The menu is a mix of vegetarian, meat and fish preparations, hence has a sizeable variety to offer in terms of appetizers or main courses.

Our Italian journey began with the antipasti, bruschetta polo con olivata (Rs 175). We found that the portion of the chicken with pesto and olives bruschetta small (the bruschetta pieces were the size of milk toasts) and though balsamic vinegar dominated our palate, overall the appetiser was tasty. For main course, we ordered an overpriced, thin-crust (not papad thin, though) large Chorizo pizza (Rs 425) which was neither scrumptious nor spicy! Fatter slices of chorizo sausages were expected. The chorizos were paper- thin (similar prosciutto) slices of sausage and that deprived the pizza of much flavor.
 

Then there was filleto di manzo, fungi e patate (Rs 375), a medium grilled beef steak in mushroom sauce with potatoes. The steak was cooked just right and the meat was deliciously tender; the sauce was rich, thick and spicy, complementing the meat perfectly. Flawless!

What caught our attention was the char grilled Rawas with black olive sauce, pasta and veggies. Having eaten Rawas in many Konkani, Punjabi and Goan preparations, the combination of black olives with the grilled fish seemed an unusual combination to our palate. However we were too full for it by then.

Desserts were a letdown though, the apple tart's base was undercooked, and the apple topping tasted marmalade-like and was sour. However when we returned the tart, the service manager apologized in person, assured us that this was the first case and did not charge for it. There were gaps in the tiramisu (Rs.125) filled shot glass and the quantity was small in comparison to its price. The attentive and courteous staff kept getting us the most filled glass; however it was the same story.

All said, Mia Cucina is a fine place to catch up for dinner, they have a range of wines, Indian and Italian, to choose from and the food is at par with other Italian restaurants. If you wish to indulge in Italian food, other than pastas and pizzas, then Mia Cucina’s variety will impress you.

Meal for two: Rs. 1300

Star rating: ***

i Remember

Earth, Wind, Rain and Fire
Wealth, Power, Blood and Desire
One life to live, Before we die..
One Taste of Glory
One Story
One Mouthful of Sky

Time Lapse

K has been hibernating - because life as she knows it has changed - drastically!
- work: a change of job, fun, crazy, hectic....
- failed at her third business venture - miserably..... again.
- Oyster Seeker and K keep going back and forth with much affection and distrust - relationship status CONFUSED.
- In limbo with all the men in my life - be it Drama King or Chameleon! Have found, where there is a penis, there is a problem.
- after multiple battles - Fabulous and K have resolved the necessary balance in our life
- childmom is a boon as usual.
- the worst news for this year, and probably the decade is that Octogenarian passed away.
- is eagerly waiting to meet Enlightened soon...

RESOLUTIONS: have stuck to some diligently, have failed at the others miserably. 

Why should you read Mixed Bag?

The writer is currently under the influence of Spider Jerusalem. (you find out who the dog fucking asshole is!)

So why should you read Mixed Bag? Coz, life is full of hippo-shit and I got more shit in my head than you got in your clogged crap pot.




 

2010-2011

I never make resolutions. What's the point of making them anyways, right? Most of us don't really keep any. So for me this is a new domain... the one where I make resolutions and keep promises. I am not totally over the past year. I carry my years with me, one flap above the other.
What have I achieved in 2010 – Nothing, except my sense of self worth and the knowledge that family means everything.
I browsed through Mixed Bag 2010 and realized that it is just another ‘navel-gazing’ blog, with bits of some limp creativity. Frankly it isn’t going anywhere.
2011- Opened my new year (like every year) in Goa, but with a la risqué.
Vengeance to be precise and it was bloody good! That’s when I decided, if I can set my mind to avenge an injury and do so well with it – why not the rest?
So here it is:
1. Mixed bag is going to be edgier. More regular and will have other things than K and her scrawny friends.
2. Its author is finally going to take her chances in life – date someone worth her nickel.
3. Walk out of my ‘reading has become a job’ phase and read my pile of books.
4. Finish my book.
5. Walk in and around Mumbai.
6. Get back to art, Theatre, Poetry, LGBT... 
7. Will click more pictures.
8. Will write the way I used to in college. Will use unused words.
9. Will better my editing skills. And get out o self hatred for being a worthless editor in compassion to the Curl Queen.  
10. Will become tough at work. (With me and others)
11. Will go get my Lasik done, though will take Wise Capitalist along for confidence.
12. Will get rid of the ‘time stealers’ and ‘sponge bobs’ of my life. I will get rid of the people who waste significant amount of my time over nothing (chat, coffee, and phone) or the emotional leeches in my life.
13. Will take a class in Time Management with the Oyster Seeker.
14. Will get the figure I need. I am realistic enough to not talk of my desires!
15. Will be more pragmatic and will take my advice seriously.
16. Will not advice others. Will not correct their mispronunciations or English misplaced words.
17. Will stop judging people with a poor phonetics, vocabulary and limited expression skills.
18. Will try and maintain old friendships.
19. Will learn how to handle money. Not simply earn. Will learn to save.  Will sit with Childmom and get to learn how to use a passbook, an ATM card or how to withdraw cash.
20. Will write my first cheque (preferably to ‘self’) Yes, I am 28 and have never written a cheque!
21. Will go back to Couture. Will hunt for tailors, will get everything bespoke!
22. Will travel. Alone.
23. Will evaluate myself fairly. Quarterly.