Too many articles have been written on kissing the right way, the French way, the platonic way, the passionate way – this one is on what to do when our partner kisses you the wrong way! Getting rid of the person is the easiest solution, but staying with a charmer/ lover/ cute pie, who does everything perfectly but is a bad king of kiss is a challenge. After all, kissing is more intimate than sex!
Something’s not right: Figure out what it is that you don't like about the kiss (especially if you are kissing the person for the first time). Detail it in writing for clarity, bad breath, is it sloppy, too much biting, you can’t breathe, are his/her hands in inappropriate places, does s/he grab and grope or simply stand there like a mannequin? Read your instinctual responses and you will get a fair picture of what is it that you like (read the unsaid). Figure out what you can change, what is a non-negotiable (bad breath) and weigh the two. You will know if you want him/her for keeps by that.
Dicey tongues: This can be difficult, because we generally like different kinds of kisses at different times. If you have a hard time defining a good kiss, you probably won't have too much trouble determining what you don't like about your partner's kissing style. Think about it, and identify the real problems so you can coach your partner along. Figure out, is the person really a bad kisser, or are you just used to something else? Keep an open mind and, as long as you're not disgusted, give it a little time. You may come to like the way your new partner kisses.
Look within: Do you really like the person? If you don't feel passion for a person, anything they do can seem wrong. Search your feelings for him/her. Is it worth spending training time or are you better off without?
Set a good example: Before having any conversation about his/her kissing techniques, go the natural way. When you kiss, do it your way, subtly guide your partner into what you like. That is by far the easiest way to teach, as kissing is more about going with the flow than following instructions.
Take the lead: Kissing is an interactive experience; partners often subconsciously take turns to lead and follow a kissing pattern. When it's your turn to lead, make it count.
Give your partner signals: When your partner kisses you in a way that you really don't like, don't be awkward to say so. Pulling away would be strong repulsive reaction.
Use body language Use your hands, tilt your head, guide or stop his/ her wandering hands. If the hints don’t work, use a little force, a gentle slap on the hand or a whisper about how they are getting into dangerous territory too soon. Equally important is that when your partner does something you like, let him/her know.
Faking it: Do not fake a moan, hold him/her closer, melt in his/her arms, and grab hair etc… unless it comes naturally and instinctively. Watching too many movies does that to you! They make you think that a bad kiss will pass off, and things will get better automatically. However, doing the above is giving a full blown green signal. On a more serious note, you are misleading the partner!
Treat is as a Job: Most bad kissers aren't bad all the time; you must use your discretion to tell them what works for you. Dirty talk helps. If you do end up having to talk to him or her about it, you don't want to just say, "You’re a horrible kisser." You want to offer constructive input. Positive reinforcement, you see! Give opportunities to change and reward them for a job well done. Keep reinforcing what you like and discouraging what you don't, and your bad kisser may become a good kisser without you ever having to repeat yourself.
Give first: Ask your partner what he/she likes about your kiss, how it makes him/her feel? Can s/he feel the ‘taste of you’ long after? What would blow his/her mind off? Does s/he like the tongue swirl, the passionate lip lock, or the butterfly kisses? Show that you care to please him/her as much or more than you are demanding. The response to please you will follow quite instantly.
Open your mind: A different kisser opens a big fun-bag of opportunities. When you are training someone to kiss you your way, leave some room for experimentation. Or you’d end up as a bad kisser, rigid without repair. If you tell a responsive partner exactly what you like and are too stubborn in this, you may find that you always get kissed the same way, which is mundane.
