Emails conspired

There is so much to write, so much to tell, so much to read, however I am stuck in a phase - a phase of doing the wrongest things - being in a wrong mindset, wearing the wrong set of clothes, saying wrong things, and worst of all reading the wrongest book at this point in time!

Here is something that transpired between the Monk and I last evening. He too is familiarising himself with the emotion called 'being frustrated with oneself' - I for an unwanted and not understood reason excel at pissing myself off.

All that apart - this conversation was what I call interesting!

MONK: Sometimes we take things for a given, while others don't ...Please do check this forum link discussing the fundamentals - http://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=55334

K:
do you know ?

- the best in the world will tell you that all reality is actually factional - it's like a gossip whose meat is little and the masala more.

- the concept of time is as genuine as your last night's fantasy

- history eventually echoes mythology

- the world works in circles - we discover, comprehend, modify, absolve and turn around to discover it all over again (with the same enthusiasm).

- most things are arbitrary. like calling your comp - comp, or yourself human.

-there is no logic to human communication - example: if 'x' can be y, z, and q in three different languages, and cultures (mahsa - in Marathi is a fish, in Turkish is the moon) (the moon in English is feminine, in Hindi masculine) - then you can call it anything you like - mahsa means lover, and moon is a mirror. The world around you was created from imagination and fantasy, creating your own will only add to it.

- you can walk into a different life and walk out of it - at this very minute, if you want to.

- all action is destined and modified every second - we live in parallel realities of ourselves, we call them opportunity. when you move from one to the other, the story line stops there and another starts at that very minute.

- you encounter the same kind of people everywhere - and by the way, there are no people in this world, only thought processes. Brutus and was suffocated every day by Cesar's tyranny. history is his-story, and who will be the demon and hero depends on where 'his' loyalties lie.

- that brings us to the myth of 'objectivism' - of truth, love, and beauty.

- there is nothing like past and future, before and after, it is a figment of your imagination. Everything is in the 'present' - for the present is eternal.

If you buy all the above then I think you may buy this one as well -
- I am not as silly, as I seem.

MONK: Every ones perception of reality and fantasy is a compilation of experiences, circumstances and instances that has eventually led the mind to conjure a particular set of preferences that it feels is comfortable existing in. Perceived images of others are drawn from conclusions based on projected circumstances and reactions, which are often misinterpreted, sometimes by choice and sometimes by mistakes. Whatever perception or assumed perception you might have of me is not entirely true, for I unfortunately have moulded my projections, reactions and communication on a myriad of influences that have affected me.

These influences have been strong- direct and subliminal, evoking a mixed and confused reality and imagery suitably projected. I in my reality exist (not live) in a world entirely not my own and alien to my core, a belief that is inconsequential to my daily effects. Abandoned and lost for long I have secluded to a space that I often find both suffocating and safe.Constantly periled by contradictions, I am often torn between the various identities that are a vivid and real part of my Psyche.It was tried by a few to de-link these earlier, but all failed for I refused to given in.Hurt and lonesome I did not allow anyone to come hither.Although I seek to resolve my torn world, the vagaries of my life disallow any such move.This is probably more than I have ever confided in any.It may sound like the incessant babble of a child, but it is the cry of a lost soul.
You may laugh or you may cry, but this is I....

K: I wish you could have a little more faith. what I wish even more is that he could have a different life, different eyes and a different soul.

Cat(atonia)

there are cat people and dog people. essentially a cat woman will not like a dog woman. that is not because they do not respect qualities attributed to the dog, but they are wise to know that the cat is immortal and almost divine. She dances between the heavens and the hells, she is also godly- and godless at the same time- almost schizophrenic. I am one of those.

Unlike the belief that cats are self-centered, place worshippers, cats have an essential strength of character. they often mark the people they wish to be loyal to - unlike the dog who will wag his tail at a stranger - the cat tests waters before slurping, a dog will just slurp! Cats are epitomes of hygiene, a dog will chase a butterfly around the muddy garden after you've given him a bath. Also dogs defy logic - they will jump out of the window when they know they do not fall on their paws, they chase cats, hens and other random animals for no apparent reason - to beat that - they chase vehicles, when they cant bite into the steel or the man inside the car! The smaller the dog the more idiotic he/she is - once I saw a one foot pom bark at our neighbours 4 feet tall and incredibly fat German Shepherd, one wack with the paw and the pom would be history.

Also dogs can never conduct themselves gracefully in public. A cat on the other hand teaches you the subtler lessons of attitude, silence, distance, self-esteem and charm. Cat lovers eventually grow-up to become reliant and caring but never dependant, whereas Dog lovers remain like dogs - a little wonky in the head. The last one I met dressed his dog in a cowboy style- with a cap, scarf, shirt and shoes, another one had to rush home coz his dog would not eat without him. I gladly said 'scurry ho...'
---
an old incident

'Once I had a cat,
fair, lean with Topaz for eyes, spoke her mind with every sway of her tail.
Had pledge her place in our home. On the television top- was for her night's sleep, the varanda swing was for afternoon siesta. one could dare not occupy her chair, the brave hearted who did- have her marks to prove their valor. She loathed ignorance and stupidity
- "OH what a pretty cat" - her look at the guest would remark, "What did you expect, Ugly duckling, a mirror of you?" She abhorred disrespect, and once while asleep upon the TV set with the match running.
the sound of cheer infuriated her, she got off her abode, snarled, and clawed - that was her end in my father's house. He picked her up by the neck and swung her off the balcony in the courtyard - we never saw her again neither did another cat walk into our house.
---

By her brush you and you shall live, by her snarl you shall repent, the wise have learnt and so shall you, never call a dare, for the one is with a magic paw!