Revision

The couple of months have been quite a tutorial. So many things in my life were revised, so many ideals thrown in the bin - so many new rules...
Then of course there are the ones that I always practice but was never really so kicked about them. Now I seem to be prepared, patience and persistence are quite the golden rules for me to follow. I am reassured in faith, in karma and the fantastic pragmatic belief of paradoxes, cosmos and tit-for-tat! Interestingly, I get calls from friends or a silly update in the otherwise insignificant Horoscope or a random one-liner appear like post-its and sign-posts.

People somehow never mattered to me as much as I have made it out to be - but it's not them that is what I realise now - it's me! We all look for bits and pieces of ourselves in people and the ones around me are the temples of everything behind my fence.

I have also discovered silence, the peaceful silence, the anticipating 'yes or no' silence, the gnawing 'pick-up and talk to me' silence, the military unyielding silence, the insecure silence, the practiced 'I will say nothing' silence, the never silence, the 'maintain space' silence, the warm hug 'crazy friends' silence and the understanding silence. Silence also in ways makes me feel a better human being than the others who talk too much. Also I have recently learnt that you can hold more with distance and silence than you can with anything else!

Also the power of desire and letting go is by far the best thing that has happened to my fractured and protected mind. All of this is come from the cosmos of thoughts and people around me - the ones that make me insecure, jealous, fragile, very sad, the ones that make me laugh and very happy!

Tryst

Now this post may seem absolutely random, and maybe it is.

I have discovered that the urge to be free is most paramount in man, followed by the urge to make history (power, immortality). However, the uncertainty of what lies behind the change dictates this leap. It may bring fortune or misery, and thus sometimes it's better to patiently serve in Heaven than rule in Hell. And more often than not, our preparation and our attitude to the change dictates the course of fortune.

Time is often right when the mind is prepared, and when the time is right the word on the scrabble board spells itself.

I await that moment.

flood in a papercup

Writing about rains in B'bay is the most hackneyed thing to do-

But every monsoon is different and yet so uncannily similar to the one I enjoyed almost a decade ago. I at 25, after a darned mundane day at work, stepped out in my shorts to enjoy the 1st showers, like i did when I was 7. I love rains in b'bay - (that apart I love B'bay). Everyone cribs about everything - the puddles of water, the delayed and cancelled trains, the endless lines of traffic, the open man-holes, the water-clogging and when there is water every where, there is not a drop dripping from your home tap.

Nonetheless, never mind the muck, the tempers and the disgruntle sighs ... b'bay looks most beautiful in the rains, like the heavens have given it a bath, scrubbed it clean lovingly and like a reluctant child the shoreline fights back the stones... SEA is what most people miss when they move-out of B'bay.. and it is also amongst the things that I often miss - samosas, chai and cigarettes on the worli/ marine/ nariman/ carters sea scapes or when in a special mood and a loaded wallet - guzzling down a bottle of red wine, listening to poetry, watching vendor-kids bargain for bright rainbow stripped umbrellas.

Or simply walking down ... be it Ruparel, Podar, Xaviers, University campus, NCPA back lanes, Ballard Pier, BPT gardens, Lions gate, Mahim Mougal Lane, Vasai village road, Mazgaon Docks, Nariman point promenade or mount Mary road ... or national Park.... every place is beyond beautiful.

I remember every soaked, cold shivering walk, remember sitting hungry in the only cafe open at 6 am - the coffee never tasted better, stale keema pao was bliss and the stares just never mattered... I miss those memories, of wet cats and odd trips, of cozy hugs and warm, soft, lingering fragrances....

B'bay is a state of the heart rather than a city - and in the rains it's just filled with love, lots of passionate volatile love.