Just a Q

Are there really so many people with bruised idealism and with unmoving burnt fingers, or is it just rampant inertia?

Alice in Wonderland

Yes, it's exactly what I would like to call this non-fiction. Truth is indeed stranger than reality, it's actually most logically farcical.

A SIMPLE TRUTH

A very surprising call from Sunshine, made the first half of K's day. After a bolstering 'Where the F* have you been - 7 months! It's been that long we met the last' Then went on the regular dribble about things, finally it came to Q n A -

S - "Heard you are in love?"
K - Naah, who told you?
S - Just felt so
K - You know am not sure, if it is love
S - (chuckle) Well, we are never too sure!
K - Once, just once in my life - I want to be confident of being in love!

Black Pearl (10.44 pm) - "Just to let you know, I remember you a lot of times. I guess, love never dies."
Oyster Seeker (7.33 am) - "Missing you badly shona. A big hug to the most beautiful woman I've ever met. Lots of Kisses, muaah!"

K is feeling just as MOLDY shit would feel!

Ps. If you are reading and if it is any solace - I loved you (BP) for the person you are and for the spirit you embody. I love you (OS), you are the best part of my today.

K missed Monarch, she would have hugged and cried and hugged some more - begging eternal forgiveness for just not 'feeling'.

There will always be certain regrets in life, no matter how careful you are.

Of Wedding Bells and Ducking them...

K met the Babel fish some weeks ago as a part of the 'process leading to a procession'. Her over enthusiasm led to a long coffee chat that eventually led to a 'duh-ha', 'ho-hum'. The babel fish seemed to remind her of the Punching Bag and Style Icon put together - he was an inconceivable combination of the two men in her life: and that kept her fun quotient higher.

In conversations, between messages and the furniture of their homes and restaurants, she liked what she saw - however she failed to define it. It was not something that kept her going, it was like a pleasant moonlit patio - pleasurable yet insignificantly present. Her mind wandered to whether she would be aware of it a decade from now?

Taking a weekend off with a sprained ankle she moved into the solemn spaces of the Manori island taking time-off from the world. She stood by the boulder between her and the sea, silently hugging the book that accompanied her and the mind that was set on two men -

Life with one was an impossible dream. With the other a used reality.

Could she be really having cold feet all over again? Drama King teasingly calls her a part of the new-generation runaway brides. Clueless of what we want, we keep fleeing from one prince to another, till we become hags and fall in love with a frog!
Childmom's biggest fear for K in her all reassuring speech and support is just this.

Why do dichotomies exist? Why is it that we never want the 'obvious' in life - why does the zing-ting-ling have to go missing with the Babel fish? Why can we not be happy with the average of niceties? Why does that one un-understood absence lead to a prolonged patience and prodding.

This is the time when denial is not what K seeks and affirmation isn't readily coming to her.

Dilemma leads to Dementia. K, in all possibilities, will die from it!

worter

Words are my favorite carriers of happiness. Mephistophelian, immaculate joy! a colleague commented on the kitsch book, 'bombay rains, bombay girls' that i have just begun to read - Lad literature!

Lad literature.... LOLOLOLOL, I haven't stopped grinning since! Sounds like something that followed the chick-lit, it's so paradoxically true!

Living On a Conveyor Belt

A trip to the capital and back made me a little wobbly about everything that I am doing and everything that I should be doing. Ya ya, just another series of 'get off the canning machine' before you forget to distinguish between the wants/ needs and desires.

Pragmatically speaking, I'd follow my desires, however somewhere down this 'social' decorum path, I seemed to have digressed away into a dingy one-way lane, the one that has fencing to cut and landmines to dodge. It becomes a habit, a sick habit - almost like a mindless walk from the railway station to my home : my feet know the way and like a bull they plow through , pulling the weight of my numbed body.

When in conversation with Wasabi I recited "the same old thing. only the dates have changed dd/mm/yy; rest is mighty same." I sounded like the conveyor belt going into circles carrying some one's luggage who it had nothing to do with ever - who had no emotions attached to it. IT was 'just doing' its job. Like the cases on the conveyor belt, I knew I had gone very wrong somewhere - I could not possibly be 'this' - with no soul into anything.

When you start out to believe that life is all about enjoying and having a blast at every step - an average life appears like a curse, a disease that your mind once mocked, and the heart once feared. This habit has to be broken, and broken now.

Believe v/s disbelieve

What does one do when they are told that the best times of their life are actually their worst?

What does one do when the stars say a thing and you see another?

What does one do when the mind decides to disbelive and the heart is a little wonky?

What does one do when the world ahead is threatning to go at war for a sword whose shield you are?

What does a shield do when it is still to test the sword's sharpness?

What does one do? Blindly go at war and leave the rest to battle or withdraw and surrender their enemy?

Got to choose one.... K, you got to choose one.