Midnight is not an ungodly hour for a post like this to be written.
After a long and a little boring jaunt, K returned home - unhappy, unsatisfied, without income and without the consistent element of fun that this "K has to take a break from work - and its recession, so 'credit card burners' be dammed, it's worth it!"
Randomness apart, K missed a few things: Writing for sure. And interacting with quirky people, feeling divest of ideas and emotions.
What K has learnt yet again is :
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Think, think carefully before you talk. K is cultivating this menial habit of 'do I need to respond?' before she actually does. The catalysts to this wise decision were the street smart Oyster Seekerand a proverb - 'wise men talk because they have to say something. Fools talk because they must say something!' - According to this one ' K's definietly the biggest fool ever alive on this planet!'
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Why do we do this to us? Why do we trap ourselves with what is to be done - instead of what we'd like to do? K found an answer to this queasy question - it's just that we like to compare our happiness, just like our sorrows... and we do that often unconsciously, at least K did, till today.
To dissolve the abruptness, here's what happened. Three women got together - K, Childmom and funny face, and got along talking about their childhood memories and as Childmom regurgitated all her experiences with K and with the wise capitalist - it dawned on K's nimble skull that she was like those people you see in restaurants, the ones who look at another man's plate and say ' I'd like to have what he is having!' They rarely look at the menu card or contemplate on what they think would be the best for them. They just want to have what they think will provide pleasure to someone, in return having a fragile assurance of their happiness.
It was not a shocker, but more like a revelation....every buy, every attitude, every friend, every need was cross examined - and an hour later, K knows better. Or claims to know better.
Are some people born like this? What makes us become the way we are?
K's hunting for the answers, and instead what flashes by are all the mistakes that she made - personally, spiritually, professionally and emotionally. Mistakes that she thought would make her a happier person in comparison to someone she detested for being happy. Mistakes that she made in arrogance, mistakes that were a part of plain careless foolishness, mistakes made in greed of a part ignoring the whole....
This world is getting smaller and more networked each day - K has almost come to a full circle with surprised strangers linked to childhood friends. Lovers who she bloated over and now would not wish to even lay a fake claim to.
For everyone who is reading this - ' A lot of things in life are unwanted; a lot of mess can be avoided, if you just stop and think, think if it is worth the dammed trouble.'
The root to all this was a plain comparison of - 'If she is happy with 'xyz', then I have to have them in order to be so'..... a befitting mindset will lead you to a landmine that is presently K's skull.
Now the fun side of this ghastly slow work of local intelligence -
I can assure you that with all the bloodless blunders you make (now can we even count them?) - you are going to have a lifetime of adventure! The highs and the stomach churns is what you got to learn to deal with.
Remember only sinners can turn to saints who inevitably make history - neutrals only breath and cease to breath.
