A trip to the capital and back made me a little wobbly about everything that I am doing and everything that I should be doing. Ya ya, just another series of 'get off the canning machine' before you forget to distinguish between the wants/ needs and desires.
Pragmatically speaking, I'd follow my desires, however somewhere down this 'social' decorum path, I seemed to have digressed away into a dingy one-way lane, the one that has fencing to cut and landmines to dodge. It becomes a habit, a sick habit - almost like a mindless walk from the railway station to my home : my feet know the way and like a bull they plow through , pulling the weight of my numbed body.
When in conversation with Wasabi I recited "the same old thing. only the dates have changed dd/mm/yy; rest is mighty same." I sounded like the conveyor belt going into circles carrying some one's luggage who it had nothing to do with ever - who had no emotions attached to it. IT was 'just doing' its job. Like the cases on the conveyor belt, I knew I had gone very wrong somewhere - I could not possibly be 'this' - with no soul into anything.
When you start out to believe that life is all about enjoying and having a blast at every step - an average life appears like a curse, a disease that your mind once mocked, and the heart once feared. This habit has to be broken, and broken now.
