K met the Babel fish some weeks ago as a part of the 'process leading to a procession'. Her over enthusiasm led to a long coffee chat that eventually led to a 'duh-ha', 'ho-hum'. The babel fish seemed to remind her of the Punching Bag and Style Icon put together - he was an inconceivable combination of the two men in her life: and that kept her fun quotient higher.
In conversations, between messages and the furniture of their homes and restaurants, she liked what she saw - however she failed to define it. It was not something that kept her going, it was like a pleasant moonlit patio - pleasurable yet insignificantly present. Her mind wandered to whether she would be aware of it a decade from now?
Taking a weekend off with a sprained ankle she moved into the solemn spaces of the Manori island taking time-off from the world. She stood by the boulder between her and the sea, silently hugging the book that accompanied her and the mind that was set on two men -
Life with one was an impossible dream. With the other a used reality.
Could she be really having cold feet all over again? Drama King teasingly calls her a part of the new-generation runaway brides. Clueless of what we want, we keep fleeing from one prince to another, till we become hags and fall in love with a frog!
Childmom's biggest fear for K in her all reassuring speech and support is just this.
Why do dichotomies exist? Why is it that we never want the 'obvious' in life - why does the zing-ting-ling have to go missing with the Babel fish? Why can we not be happy with the average of niceties? Why does that one un-understood absence lead to a prolonged patience and prodding.
This is the time when denial is not what K seeks and affirmation isn't readily coming to her.
Dilemma leads to Dementia. K, in all possibilities, will die from it!
Jan 28, 2009
Jan 15, 2009
worter
Words are my favorite carriers of happiness. Mephistophelian, immaculate joy! a colleague commented on the kitsch book, 'bombay rains, bombay girls' that i have just begun to read - Lad literature!
Lad literature.... LOLOLOLOL, I haven't stopped grinning since! Sounds like something that followed the chick-lit, it's so paradoxically true!
Lad literature.... LOLOLOLOL, I haven't stopped grinning since! Sounds like something that followed the chick-lit, it's so paradoxically true!
Jan 13, 2009
Living On a Conveyor Belt
A trip to the capital and back made me a little wobbly about everything that I am doing and everything that I should be doing. Ya ya, just another series of 'get off the canning machine' before you forget to distinguish between the wants/ needs and desires.
Pragmatically speaking, I'd follow my desires, however somewhere down this 'social' decorum path, I seemed to have digressed away into a dingy one-way lane, the one that has fencing to cut and landmines to dodge. It becomes a habit, a sick habit - almost like a mindless walk from the railway station to my home : my feet know the way and like a bull they plow through , pulling the weight of my numbed body.
When in conversation with Wasabi I recited "the same old thing. only the dates have changed dd/mm/yy; rest is mighty same." I sounded like the conveyor belt going into circles carrying some one's luggage who it had nothing to do with ever - who had no emotions attached to it. IT was 'just doing' its job. Like the cases on the conveyor belt, I knew I had gone very wrong somewhere - I could not possibly be 'this' - with no soul into anything.
When you start out to believe that life is all about enjoying and having a blast at every step - an average life appears like a curse, a disease that your mind once mocked, and the heart once feared. This habit has to be broken, and broken now.
Pragmatically speaking, I'd follow my desires, however somewhere down this 'social' decorum path, I seemed to have digressed away into a dingy one-way lane, the one that has fencing to cut and landmines to dodge. It becomes a habit, a sick habit - almost like a mindless walk from the railway station to my home : my feet know the way and like a bull they plow through , pulling the weight of my numbed body.
When in conversation with Wasabi I recited "the same old thing. only the dates have changed dd/mm/yy; rest is mighty same." I sounded like the conveyor belt going into circles carrying some one's luggage who it had nothing to do with ever - who had no emotions attached to it. IT was 'just doing' its job. Like the cases on the conveyor belt, I knew I had gone very wrong somewhere - I could not possibly be 'this' - with no soul into anything.
When you start out to believe that life is all about enjoying and having a blast at every step - an average life appears like a curse, a disease that your mind once mocked, and the heart once feared. This habit has to be broken, and broken now.
Jan 8, 2009
Believe v/s disbelieve
What does one do when they are told that the best times of their life are actually their worst?
What does one do when the stars say a thing and you see another?
What does one do when the mind decides to disbelive and the heart is a little wonky?
What does one do when the world ahead is threatning to go at war for a sword whose shield you are?
What does a shield do when it is still to test the sword's sharpness?
What does one do? Blindly go at war and leave the rest to battle or withdraw and surrender their enemy?
Got to choose one.... K, you got to choose one.
What does one do when the stars say a thing and you see another?
What does one do when the mind decides to disbelive and the heart is a little wonky?
What does one do when the world ahead is threatning to go at war for a sword whose shield you are?
What does a shield do when it is still to test the sword's sharpness?
What does one do? Blindly go at war and leave the rest to battle or withdraw and surrender their enemy?
Got to choose one.... K, you got to choose one.
Dec 22, 2008
Parched Floods...
Sometimes in love, it often happens:
~ that you can never have enough of your present partner.
~that presence is more than companionship.
~that we approve of flaws that we know, we would later
abhor.
~lose the I and You to become US.
~that nothing lives on - except you and her, and habit that will take long to die.
Sometimes in love, it also happens:
~There are no pretenses
~There are open ego battles.
~Sometimes a man surrenders.
~Sometimes, in love, Athena lays down her shield
~Sometimes the act of love is not in consummation or immolation
- it is in ability and achievement.
~ Sometimes, in love, you do not look at yourself through the eyes of your lover.
~ Sometimes, the light of your lover's personality,
elevates your own sense of being.
~Sometimes, in love, 'you' and 'he' combine forces -
like the mind and the soul and create a lane.
And so Venus lives on,
In soft intense sighs and faking screams.
In silent invisible histories and loud withered romances.
~ that you can never have enough of your present partner.
~that presence is more than companionship.
~that we approve of flaws that we know, we would later
abhor.
~lose the I and You to become US.
~that nothing lives on - except you and her, and habit that will take long to die.
Sometimes in love, it also happens:
~There are no pretenses
~There are open ego battles.
~Sometimes a man surrenders.
~Sometimes, in love, Athena lays down her shield
~Sometimes the act of love is not in consummation or immolation
- it is in ability and achievement.
~ Sometimes, in love, you do not look at yourself through the eyes of your lover.
~ Sometimes, the light of your lover's personality,
elevates your own sense of being.
~Sometimes, in love, 'you' and 'he' combine forces -
like the mind and the soul and create a lane.
And so Venus lives on,
In soft intense sighs and faking screams.
In silent invisible histories and loud withered romances.
Escapades Of a Drama Queen
In a circus called life,
I am not the ring master,
Nor am I the clown.
I am the trapeze artist
Who falls into the net
When the lights are down.
I am not the ring master,
Nor am I the clown.
I am the trapeze artist
Who falls into the net
When the lights are down.
Dec 11, 2008
Dec 2, 2008
Love Pinned On A Soft Board
~ A very old and very lost friend once said that K was the mockery of love. K, sitting amidst a gang of 'I know you like the back of my hand' overconfident friends laughed in affirmation to all the blinking fools around her - and they laughed back at her!
Years later, K bumped into one of the fools and his love story with the 'then' girl was long over and as we decided to 'meet again', the talk veered to the old and lost friend.
Fool: You remember the old and lost?
K : Of course, he was such a darling!
Fool: you know, he was in love with you the moment you walked through that college gate.
K: Ya, I know, but he was a friend and I was not in love!
Fool : (Laughs) So its been years - are you not tired of all the dingle-dangle? Why don't you settle down!
K: I would, If i'd find a man worth doing that with!
Fool: You are telling me that you've never been in LOVE?
K: Well, I don't know if all that was or if all this is love - just not my definition bro!And what's so 'real' about love anyways?
Fool :(chuckle) made him stand still. You know, He told the that "Everybody falls in love, but when people like K fall in love, they make history! Just because they are so incapable of it - that when the real thing hits them, they'd burn the world to have it!"
K: LOL, that's a nice theory, he never told me so!
They part ways and she walks along the not so lonely Matunga street, reflecting on how she knows better now. K recalls a time and a man
"Being in love with you feels like being in love with me.- K wanted to say it to him, but being too proud, she refrained. Loving him feels like someone has sinned against a seasoned sinner, when the philanderer falls for a careless widow, and when you are being beaten at your own game.
So here's for him, to know and smile and grin...
~I like smelling of you.
~I like your prolonged taste in my jaw
~I enjoy the string of goosebumps, I get, when you nibble my ears
~I enjoy our stealthy smooches
~The jaw fights
~The punches
~The claws
~I enjoy the sensations my fingertips bear when I run them through your hair
when they linger on your inner thighs, buttocks, your back, your chest
~ I am swelled by the counter sensation of your fingertips rolling in my mouth
swirling on my tongue, your finger imprints, the finger knots, the taste that slowly becomes mine.
~ Your lunar laughter that makes me inevitably laugh
~ Your mischievous threats
~ Your loving hugs
~ Your pudgy fingers as they encircle mine.
~ I like the way you dress and pose, the way you check your neck, chest arms....and the way you laugh when I stand witness to your narcissism
~ I enjoy the way you clench your jaw with a happy irritation that I know you so well
~ I enjoy the way you bully me and the way you let me have my way all the time.
~ I enjoy scolding you as you plead a childish forgiveness, meant to be forgotten.
My sweetest and most peaceful moments are in your arms. Where nothing touches me except your embrace.
My strongest moments are when you cuddle up me like an infant soul in a herculean body, when you snuggle-up, resting your head on my chest and slowly drift into another world. In those moments I could slay an innocent whisperer for the fear of waking you up.
I am a better human being when I am with you. Maybe as the fool said - this is love, the passion to protect us will eventually make history.
Years later, K bumped into one of the fools and his love story with the 'then' girl was long over and as we decided to 'meet again', the talk veered to the old and lost friend.
Fool: You remember the old and lost?
K : Of course, he was such a darling!
Fool: you know, he was in love with you the moment you walked through that college gate.
K: Ya, I know, but he was a friend and I was not in love!
Fool : (Laughs) So its been years - are you not tired of all the dingle-dangle? Why don't you settle down!
K: I would, If i'd find a man worth doing that with!
Fool: You are telling me that you've never been in LOVE?
K: Well, I don't know if all that was or if all this is love - just not my definition bro!And what's so 'real' about love anyways?
Fool :(chuckle) made him stand still. You know, He told the that "Everybody falls in love, but when people like K fall in love, they make history! Just because they are so incapable of it - that when the real thing hits them, they'd burn the world to have it!"
K: LOL, that's a nice theory, he never told me so!
They part ways and she walks along the not so lonely Matunga street, reflecting on how she knows better now. K recalls a time and a man
"Being in love with you feels like being in love with me.- K wanted to say it to him, but being too proud, she refrained. Loving him feels like someone has sinned against a seasoned sinner, when the philanderer falls for a careless widow, and when you are being beaten at your own game.
So here's for him, to know and smile and grin...
~I like smelling of you.
~I like your prolonged taste in my jaw
~I enjoy the string of goosebumps, I get, when you nibble my ears
~I enjoy our stealthy smooches
~The jaw fights
~The punches
~The claws
~I enjoy the sensations my fingertips bear when I run them through your hair
when they linger on your inner thighs, buttocks, your back, your chest
~ I am swelled by the counter sensation of your fingertips rolling in my mouth
swirling on my tongue, your finger imprints, the finger knots, the taste that slowly becomes mine.
~ Your lunar laughter that makes me inevitably laugh
~ Your mischievous threats
~ Your loving hugs
~ Your pudgy fingers as they encircle mine.
~ I like the way you dress and pose, the way you check your neck, chest arms....and the way you laugh when I stand witness to your narcissism
~ I enjoy the way you clench your jaw with a happy irritation that I know you so well
~ I enjoy the way you bully me and the way you let me have my way all the time.
~ I enjoy scolding you as you plead a childish forgiveness, meant to be forgotten.
My sweetest and most peaceful moments are in your arms. Where nothing touches me except your embrace.
My strongest moments are when you cuddle up me like an infant soul in a herculean body, when you snuggle-up, resting your head on my chest and slowly drift into another world. In those moments I could slay an innocent whisperer for the fear of waking you up.
I am a better human being when I am with you. Maybe as the fool said - this is love, the passion to protect us will eventually make history.
Nov 15, 2008
bruises ....
I tried to do handstands for you
But every time I fell for you
I am permanently black and blue,
Permanently blue for you.
But every time I fell for you
I am permanently black and blue,
Permanently blue for you.
Nov 5, 2008
A day dedicated
lo Awards
For the Drama King,
"Remember, remember,
the 5th of November,
the Gunpowder,
Treason and Plot.
I know no reason why the Gunpowder Treason should ever be forgot!"
For the Drama King,
"Remember, remember,
the 5th of November,
the Gunpowder,
Treason and Plot.
I know no reason why the Gunpowder Treason should ever be forgot!"
- Guy Fawkes
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