Come to think of it, I feel like a conservative. Sex on my mind, my previous post was received quite well. Contrary to reader's opinions of my ability and clarity, I had claimed my fox-hole, was prepared for eye rolls and acute dismissals of my moral standards. None of it has happened. I am still receiving mails and many of them are from women, who are bang-on to the point of what they like in the post, what they disapprove and how they'd go about their sex lives.
A kind lady insisted that I write on the lines of sex and the city; problem is, I am quite inept at that. I do not fully understand, though have a grasp of it, as to how we are evolving as socio-sexual beings. Plus, I have to yet give up on the opposite sex; my only reason not to (give up on them) is because they are my friends. And my friends are nearly everything I need, admire and love in my life. The men in my life are dear to me; and the fact that at some point we chose each other, gives me hope that my choice in the 'partner of my life' won't be sucky.
But why not choose from them, if I believe that they have it all? Well, the girl in a poncho asked this question. My reply was simple, I love them as people but I have no desire to get to know their 'lover' side. Why? Its incomprehensible. Psychological digging got me to unearth my friends, when I was a kid. Mostly boys, and how my mum never really made any differentiation btw the genders. She'd be inviting and chatty without any inhibitions, she never made me realize that all the people that came for my birthdays or I fought with or played with were boys. She would gladly tell people that 'oh, he's been my daughter's friend since she was eight!' Point is, their gender was a matter-of-fact, so when I first told my mum about 'the boy i like', she wasn't surprised that he was not from the gang.
Friends with benefits are great! And sometimes it is an amazing way of discovering another person; but it is an each-to-his-own decision. I need to see the man in a different light, and I know my friends too well - we may just crack up; call it a bad idea and go for a beer... laughing all the way at us being so desperate. Nonetheless, that is I, it may work for you; so do not let my judgement color yours. Also, I believe in the old adage, that 'sex changes everything'. When it comes to the people you love, know, discuss your plans with, consult, cuss and will call in all emergencies - it changes everything. In the least, for me.
That apart, we are different people as friends and different as partners or lovers. Mixing the two is quite a lethal combination - may work or make just kill the whole thing. Am sure you have many stories of lovers gone sour? I too have my tales of friends becoming lovers and lovers going sour - what you will be left with is an emotional drainage. It's a risk that you will have to judge for yourself and take.
However, the catch is to make it work. If you can - fantaboulous. I do not have that kind of intelligence. So when it comes to me, the only benefit I have with a friend is that he/she is my friend.
