Single resisting to mingle.

To all my single lovelorn friends,

1) All love stories are sort of- mostly...

2) The ones that are confirmed are surely headed for disaster! (remember ur's?)

3) The lovers either die in drama or discover their partner are psycho-paths! (Cinderella drove the prince mad with her cleanliness OCD)

4) Lovers don't have insurance, or credit cards or even' your dearest Daddy ATM'.

5) Romeo was a jobless, good for nothing dud.

6) Juliet was a blond- I mean whoever could take such silly decisions?

7) Sex with a blond (irrespective of gender) is overrated. (Don't ualready know that ?!)

Now Remember me running from "I am in LOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEEE' with you! ' irritating, over-friendly, annoying leech of a musician ?

Or declaring myself a lesbian at the 'film fest' after the hitchcock- slave director stalked me for four days? (Torch, thanks for that much needed arm around my waist.)

if that wasn't bad enough, on Orkut an absolutely random guy scraps me (with a pic flashing his thing) saying "'F*&% me Real Hard for a sexy time' eh?"

!- Gosh! I thought, I had desperate loser written all over my pic; so i pulled it off and haven't placed it back since then.

However, I still go out on dates and stare at the wall behind 'my date'. Still meet random guys and tell them 'wish they were my siblings' - above all tolerate the ones who are identical to me or sometimes worse!

So darlings, cheer-up, be brave and look around! P.S. If I can loath in faith, so can u ;)

overhearing

Scene: On my way back home, in the train compartment. Aboard two college girls, laughing (not giggling), talking loudly, dragging their speech with an acquired accent. they plonk on the seats, one beside me the other opposite her.

"A- That was sooo Dumb!
B- kmpltetlllllyyy

A- (in nasal voice) I just hope this dammed thing looks good (twisting her fake blond streak).
B- Oh come one- let me do the VJ Anushaa thing (ties her hair with a claw in a perfect twirl, giving the blond streak a classy effect)

A- the compartment is so dead!
(every woman turns only to throw identical dead-pan looks)

A- I have a chocolate!
B- U are supposed to lose weight not gain it!

A- i exercise and i didn't have lunch
B - hey, i may have a fruit- its much more nutritious.

A - Okay! but don't stare at my chocolate.
B- ya, right- you don't stare at my figure."

the approx. weight for A- 55, B- 38-40.

As Drama King says, "Being fat is the crime of the century!"

Hazy Sunday

Talk-a- thon and I had the most fantastic weekend ever in years. And what we did, absolutely nothing ‘fun’ but it was special! She came in early morning from work, we chatted till dawn and then slept- cuddling each other like we used to in college.

Only this time it was little worrying coz my folks were around and I didn’t know how they would react. None the less, we slept that way and I woke up early. Waited for her to do so, strolled around the courtyard, had lunch, watched a movie and then chatted some more.

She just melted with my family like butter in Au-gratin. It was fun and as we said our good byes we hugged and kissed and pledged to meet soon. I was recollecting the day’s events, when she smsed ‘I love u’ and my grin turned to a wide smile. I replied and thanked god for blessing me with loving friends!

Witness and Party

There are people that come in our life as bystanders. Our frequencies match with theirs only for fragments and then we befriend them. Soon to realise that there are things about them that do not appeal to us. And then we slowly walk out of their orbits. Gradually a time comes when we avoid them, everything they say seems to annoy us, they become the most unbearable creatures we ever met; and we wish they didn't exist!

All this is working on our mind and nothing has changed- and it’s not that person's fault either. It’s just us!

I am sure this has happened with many but for the first time I have seen something like this happening with one individual on a massive scale. And I feel bad that I am a part of it- I am witnessing it as a bystander and not doing anything. Maybe because it is not worth it, maybe because secretly I don’t want it to happen with myself or mostly because I just want to stay out of trouble.

However, I am not at my happy high mood and I wish all this would sort itself out. There are times when u realise that it is wisest to not be close to anyone-- this is my time.

Annoyed, angry pissed etc...

I am just crazy angry - nothing relevant but everything scurrying to come out. Its most irritating for me when i don't follow my own plans! Wise capitalist is as usual late. She is so callous about everything not related to her that it makes feel like a shit load. I am cursing myself for not taking an independent decision and going on my own to be there for Fruity. I don't know if it will matter to her but i wanted to be there, be a part of her joy (irrespective how happy i am!) but now we will end up as face value!

I am sure this will km back to her, because this is not the 1st time and it is on-purpose. Not that it will matter to her but still- and i don't want that to happen, i don't want her to be in the lost position that fruity maybe right now- not that we are the only ones there- she has a bevy to do all the laughing, talking etc.. But I hope wise cap would unwind her actions but I don’t think I can do much.
For me- this is the last time we are doing anything in cognizance. Hoping fruity forgives me.

: The End and the Beginning

After every war
someone has to clean up.
Things won’t straighten themselves up, after all.
Someone has to push the rubble to the sides of the road,
so the corpse-laden wagons can pass.
Someone has to get mired in scum and ashes,
sofa-springs, splintered glass, and bloody rags.
Someone must drag in a girder to prop up a wall.
Someone must glaze a window, rehang a door.
Photogenic it’s not, and takes years.
All the cameras have left for another war.

Again we’ll need bridges and new railway stations.
Sleeves will go ragged from rolling them up.
Someone, broom in hand,still recalls how it was.
Someone listens and nods with unsevered head.
Yet others milling about already find it dull.
From behind the bush sometimes someone still unearths rust-eaten
arguments and carries them to the garbage pile.
Those who knew what was going on here
must give way to those who know little.
And less than little. And finally as little as nothing.
In the grass which has overgrown causes and effects,
someone must be stretched out,
blade of grass in his mouth, gazing at the clouds.

Hans Neleman-

I am in love, it was love at 1st sight. I looked at his work and i went weak in my knees. I flopped in my chair when i read his book Night Chicas and couldn't move. I was enthralled, i touched the curves of his images as I touch a Ferregamo shoe- the divinity I feel is impossible to describe. I wanted to kiss him squarely on his mouth when I met him in Mumbai. he was a mirror image of everything that reflected in his work: passions and feelings - feelings that were frozen, very mercilessly, almost sadistically.

Demeter thinks otherwise, she frowns at his work, unable to connect with the crudeness his lens captures. But sitting on the adjoining sofa, i was dying to hold him, his English was incomprehensible and his 'i am new yorker' made him look like an arrogant prick- although a good, kind hearted one. He put up with the minimals that were offered to him here by the certain group he had km for. My brave self felt bound by the presence of too many people in the same room to do anything that would make me smack my head in future.

Hans is a piece, he has the vision and the mood to capture an emotion that lies beyond the obvious smile or frown. And most importantly he understands and respects art. Art that is so fluid and blurred and Art that is metamorphosing into forms unfamiliar and traversing beyond the boundaries defining us as humans. Be it going back to roots or being trapped in professions, the finery in his shooting an anorexic model with a watch and shooting an anorexic prostitute with a raccoon - zillion worlds apart, is identically passionate and almost sexually satisfying!

The latest 'In progress' book is smooch worthy, it may raise eyebrows but it's pure power. The power we have to deconstruct and reconstruct the way we believe we should be! Have a look on his website.

http://www.neleman.com/

BODY TRANSFORMED
Neleman’s “Body Transformed” explores how body modification, for spiritual, ritual, tribal, or sexual reasons, reflects a myriad of cultural influences, all of which are united by a deeply embedded passion to overcome the human body’s natural limitations and to worship the metamorphosed being. This book documents the growing cult of “transforming” through extreme modifications including scarring, burning, implanting, cutting and amputating. Body Transformed has a classic uncompromising photographic direction with an inspiring sculptural angle, a serene approach to a dark subject matter.
Here are radical subjects who are testing the limits of body aesthetics
through extreme modifications. Driven by complex objectives such as visual ornamentation, improvement of sexual perception and sometimes an exhibitionistic desire to control pain, they worship the metamorphosed being.

‘Body Transformed” challenges our moral boundaries, to ultimately come to a better understanding of this new self.

The ghost of the ex...

As the evening blended into cold twilight the talk with Drama King strayed into-- 'our perfect partners', esp. now that our parents want us to 'settle down'. We were laughing at our newest findings and all that was lacking in us to say 'i do'.The same thing that the world is looking for- a life long romance, the Zing that Tingles and Lingers, the sweet pain, the poisonous kiss, the madness, yearning, comfort and ecstasy. Repercussion was, we revisited our exes.

I have hated Drama King for this, he just never seems to get over her. Like a pathetic puppy he begs and cries and begs for more of what remains- Pity. I find it humiliating and infuriating when we drive down certain streets and bridges, I wait for the dreaded moment when he says 'Mademoiselle, the cat woman and I would..., the cat woman loved this...' we wait there as he pays tribute to a forlorn memory. being a loyal friend, I throw stinging remarks, trample over his love talk, say nasty things. Actually do/ say everything enough, for any sane person to throw me out of his car and ask to get lost! But it doesn't seem to affect him- he has learnt to revel in the 'nothing is left, i am cold hearted' imaginary world; somewhat like the Monk with beads.

But last evening was almost a deja vu, of dinner i had with Sunshine last week. She also wants her ex back, irrespective of whatever (whatever not being nice)! She confidently stated that she knew her ex was thinking about her even as we were talking and i had no reason to disbelieve. I didn't want her to give up; closure sometimes paves way for a new beginning, esp. if she wanted it this intensely!

We ruminated the same shit with me claiming that i ain't settling for less... but as i spoke, I knew that the ghost of our ex and past relationships will never really leaves us! It will be an annoying ghost and hang on to our neck, tug at our hair to remind us of places, people, things, situations, emotions... The fangs of the loss/ mistake or purposeful separation; dig deeper and procrastinate the joy someone else can give. Morbidity settles in, 'our songs' are replayed, over-working is a norm, avoiding the obvious parties is a must, leaving the city/country and stalking the ex- on social networking sites becomes a way of life.

Worse is when meeting friends; the talk subtly shunts to the ex and that seems to be the whole purpose of being there! And once at the station, the train refuses to travel anywhere!

Often, people talk about their ex- more than their current, ironically when they were together they seemed less involved than its hangover.

I sometimes feel that we are more in love with the idea of love and separation than the person him/herself. --- That answers my question of why we unconsciously cast our self in roles that we would critique otherwise?

a funny hour..

I spent an hour talking and laughing with a guy i don't know! This was an impulse, I met Reebok on a social networking site and found a mutual connection leading to many others, assuring that the world is a small place.

post my birthday, our meeting was being postponed by my forgetfulness and finally met at a nearby coffee house. We just got talking and after two espresso shots i was laughing loud enough for the neighbouring suave aunt to turn around. i was so high on the silly humour and 'how true' conversation that i snorted... twice midst the laughs (tight arse would raise her eyebrows if she were there) . i couldn't believe that the left side of my tummy shot spasms of pain.

We decided to move from the place and as the bill arrive, he insisted on paying, (i have learnt not to resist- since torch taught me the shallow happiness of living in a mans world) and this guy opens a sodexo booklet! i found it genuinely funny --what i would otherwise call tacky. he was so casual about the evening that things eased out; there were no undertones, making it super friendly!

after coffee n a walk in my heels- i decided say good bye and as i was patiently waiting for a cab, he accompanied me. he insisted giving me ride to the station but when i resisted he gallantly helped me get a cab, including requesting the cabbies, passing jokes at the singles travelling in cabs etc... it was hilarious.

the cute 'u r not like other girls' sms was equally predictably funny, simply coz we met one time and i, after being told 'u r such a woman', that comment was like a curacao slush. indeed a very high spirited, totally satiated evening.

Why, I am seriously asking WHY?

Why do sensible women fall for losers? What has flipped? I'd like to know. We all date losers and wanna bes' and mommy boys' but we don't marry them! Be it Hollywood (like in the pic) or the upper middle class in Bombay -across the globe or social strata, women still wish to marry a man standing steps lower. WHY?

Seven women in my life have and are marrying 'wrong men', it has shocked and shaken me since. I was talking to Demeter about the latest 'what the fuck is wrong with her!' and she asked me to define loser. That got me thinking- Loser is gender neutral, and for me defined when the couple does not match up to each others' caliber. Like Ice and Wise- capitalist couldn't have done better but Self-centered-leech, fruity, Demeter, Child mom, Prep-plastic, Lexicon could certainly have.

I no more know what to see in a man. The gold digger in me goes- bling, bling and more green bling, the idealist in me wants to marry the wind, the masochist in me- an MCP and the me in me wants to marry a better, male version of ME! (Could anyone have been more self-indulgent?) But i certainly don't want the partners my 'Quilt Dewellers' have chosen, i just can't stand a man without a spine or an identity!

Fruity, Lexicon, SCL, PP- their beaus are relocating, making adjustments and being super obedient; clearly they have the upper hand and i am very happy about it. But what is the fun of having an obvious upper hand that ur partner starts to look like a pet poodle, who no other chick will sigh over? Its silly but i can't respect a guy who doesn't know what he wants and doesn't have back up plans and is tying d knot- i disrespect the same in a woman.

I am very mozzarella over this and got so annoying that days ago, when on the phone i asked Loud mouth to re-reconfirm whether he really approved- he just yelled in, “how does it matter to you or me, its her life, her family and her joy!” and cut the call! Since then we haven't spoken on the topic. But I couldn resist and spoke to Child mom, she said that she liked him because fruity liked him (i said the same when i was asked - we are such lying bitches!), so i threw a twisted Q- What if i get someone like him? She shot back and said- “That is not your choice, U can't marry some idiot, i wont let you.” I was so relieved that i bear-hugged her.

But the real answer came form a man, not a woman- as i expected. Chameleon heard me talk sour and pulled me up saying that i was being gravely judgemental. He claimed a justification and I was, “Hmm, apart from the fact that i know and feel for them, i think they are ruining their chances a of a better life. They are getting married to guys who will not grow up and eventually they will have to shoulder everything of the guy. Love and being 'nice guy' is all good but when it comes to the jerks and perks in life- you need way more than that!”

He agreed and countered, “what makes you think it is a blind choice and not a conscious one? They are educated, smart, working, ambitious and beautiful women- if they decide to be with a guy not as half qualified as them, then maybe they want it that way. They want a guy they can mould, bend, mommy; they want to call the shots and the guy is fine with it. I don't think it is a compromise- its just reversal of power. The women have decided to take the lead-”

And will the man be happy, i ask? “Of course, a man's needs are limited and till he is not the one burning out - why would he crib? The problem will arise eventually, then he will take a call- but by then he will know his way around.” WOW. I was spell bound to even shake my head to that reply. I envy the fact that a men can think with such clarity and be so cool about it!

He isn't wrong, women are having their cake and eating it too- but would u want a trophy partner? I don't think i do. I want to walk hand in hand, a bird should marry the wind (and vice versa) not the fish in a pond. i want a partner that supplements 'us' not complements 'me'- like i would. It is a desire for a ridiculously idealistic partner, but as Child mom, Sunshine, Wise Capitalist and I say, “Why not?”.