The Other Within Us: Women

I am obssessed with this plural. Mine is often a love-hate relationship. I applaud at the intensity of courage and craziness that women display. Squirm, frown and scowl at the core of their characters. The paradox is sometimes just too contradictory to fathom.

Women in general are fickle and unpredictable - they are more farcical than most male comedians ever born. Although, I want to refrain myself from 'generalizing' the gender, I am rendered helpless. And here, because it is my space - I am liberally forgiving myself for making sweeping generalizations. My closest friends are men, only because I can not trust women, only because I know them too well, only because if I were in their shoes - I would bite the other person raw.

Still, (paradoxically) every woman in my life has a special place, her wit, beauty, arrogance, courage, surrender and love has taught me more about living than 25 years of my living. They are the kindest and the coldest - and are best at being both. However they are very unreliable, especially when it comes to the men they love. Their sense of achievement, their pride, their values - everything can be tossed out of the window with the blow dryer. Time and again, close friends, siblings, acquaintances behave and react in ways that would make me doubt their level of common sense (forget intelligence).

I can now firmly conclude (after enduring women bosses and HODs) that women can not handle power - every time they raised to the position of responsibility and power - they became tyrannical. They fret and exploit and get more insecure, apart from the emotional part - professionally they take up too much responsibility to prove their mettle. Never heard of biting more than you can chew? Ahhaan, that does not mean that they will not complete the task, they will - even if it means tearing their hair and everyone else's!

Incidentally all world's evils are rooted in mothers - they teach a whole lot of drab shit to their kids, including yours and mine. The lessons may seem wise and right to us especially now, but gradually when you see yourself as a decimal in the cosmos - you know it's an abysmal pot hole that you will have to fill.

At a recent ashram visit- I met this global philosopher who was enjoying being treated as a god man. He is talking of Karma and that everything happens for the good. Amidst the questions, an old lady comes to him and says

Old Lady : "I have spent all my life behind my child, I taught him everything, cared for him, loved him more than myself. Today he left me at this Ashram's main gate to spend the rest of my sick old age."

Philosopher (a little enraged, stares at her and questions) : "Whose fault is it?"

Old Lady (with tears in her eyes) : "My son's of course, what kind of question is that?"

Philosopher : No, It is you. Didn't you always tell him to have everything for himself? Did you not forbid him from sharing anything of his with fellow students and colleagues, be it a silly school lunch box or a toy, his poor troubled friends or his study notes or his work. You, for years and years over taught him to exclude everything - now he has excluded you. He has done what he was taught.

The lady went hysterical, and so did the crowd. I have no clue, nor did she as to how he knew about it but that is not important. The fact remains that mothers' do this and a whole lot more. The moment I thought of this - I had a list of parents who had, have and would say it to their children. So many times my mom has asked me to 'have it all', don't give, don't trust - silly goose!

I do not know if it is the right way - the Wise Capitalist believes it to be so. I am as usual caught in constant conflict.

Why, I am seriously asking WHY?

Why do sensible women fall for losers? What has flipped? I'd like to know. We all date losers and wanna bes' and mommy boys' but we don't marry them! Be it Hollywood (like in the pic) or the upper middle class in Bombay -across the globe or social strata, women still wish to marry a man standing steps lower. WHY?

Seven women in my life have and are marrying 'wrong men', it has shocked and shaken me since. I was talking to Demeter about the latest 'what the fuck is wrong with her!' and she asked me to define loser. That got me thinking- Loser is gender neutral, and for me defined when the couple does not match up to each others' caliber. Like Ice and Wise- capitalist couldn't have done better but Self-centered-leech, fruity, Demeter, Child mom, Prep-plastic, Lexicon could certainly have.

I no more know what to see in a man. The gold digger in me goes- bling, bling and more green bling, the idealist in me wants to marry the wind, the masochist in me- an MCP and the me in me wants to marry a better, male version of ME! (Could anyone have been more self-indulgent?) But i certainly don't want the partners my 'Quilt Dewellers' have chosen, i just can't stand a man without a spine or an identity!

Fruity, Lexicon, SCL, PP- their beaus are relocating, making adjustments and being super obedient; clearly they have the upper hand and i am very happy about it. But what is the fun of having an obvious upper hand that ur partner starts to look like a pet poodle, who no other chick will sigh over? Its silly but i can't respect a guy who doesn't know what he wants and doesn't have back up plans and is tying d knot- i disrespect the same in a woman.

I am very mozzarella over this and got so annoying that days ago, when on the phone i asked Loud mouth to re-reconfirm whether he really approved- he just yelled in, “how does it matter to you or me, its her life, her family and her joy!” and cut the call! Since then we haven't spoken on the topic. But I couldn resist and spoke to Child mom, she said that she liked him because fruity liked him (i said the same when i was asked - we are such lying bitches!), so i threw a twisted Q- What if i get someone like him? She shot back and said- “That is not your choice, U can't marry some idiot, i wont let you.” I was so relieved that i bear-hugged her.

But the real answer came form a man, not a woman- as i expected. Chameleon heard me talk sour and pulled me up saying that i was being gravely judgemental. He claimed a justification and I was, “Hmm, apart from the fact that i know and feel for them, i think they are ruining their chances a of a better life. They are getting married to guys who will not grow up and eventually they will have to shoulder everything of the guy. Love and being 'nice guy' is all good but when it comes to the jerks and perks in life- you need way more than that!”

He agreed and countered, “what makes you think it is a blind choice and not a conscious one? They are educated, smart, working, ambitious and beautiful women- if they decide to be with a guy not as half qualified as them, then maybe they want it that way. They want a guy they can mould, bend, mommy; they want to call the shots and the guy is fine with it. I don't think it is a compromise- its just reversal of power. The women have decided to take the lead-”

And will the man be happy, i ask? “Of course, a man's needs are limited and till he is not the one burning out - why would he crib? The problem will arise eventually, then he will take a call- but by then he will know his way around.” WOW. I was spell bound to even shake my head to that reply. I envy the fact that a men can think with such clarity and be so cool about it!

He isn't wrong, women are having their cake and eating it too- but would u want a trophy partner? I don't think i do. I want to walk hand in hand, a bird should marry the wind (and vice versa) not the fish in a pond. i want a partner that supplements 'us' not complements 'me'- like i would. It is a desire for a ridiculously idealistic partner, but as Child mom, Sunshine, Wise Capitalist and I say, “Why not?”.