With most of my married friends now balancing their lives simultaneously by being professional thisandthat and professional husband and wife. I unsurfaced a new kind of marriage (apart from the long distance one) - the weekend one! I found it incredibly fascinating - so here is a brief account for some weekend hubby-wifey.
Pudgy Fingers and his wife are both high fliers; about three years into their marriage they decided to take weekends off, irrespective of a world crises. So they fly, travel, party, work 16 hours a day for 5 days a week, and bond over the 48 hours that the weekend gives them. As Pudgy Fingers puts it, " It's our out time. We are free to gravely insult each other or passionately work-out together or just drive out of the city or laze in bed for two whole days. We set the rules that we'd be ourselves for the weekend and weekend alone. This gives me a week with myself and my life, with her on the periphery! There are too many plus points to not having your partner in your face."
Childmom claims that she clearly does not do any kind of bonding with her lesser half through out the week." It's not possible to talk to each other without landing into an argument or harboring an ill feeling. We both are strained with our work and our over-achiever attitudes. We fell in love because that was the driving force of our togetherness, now it's going to swallow us. We realized it soon and stopped playing the 'my tush is redder than your tush game' game. So we are our bosses from Monday to Friday with schedules stuck on the pin board, come Saturday and we yearn to be with each other. Now even a grocery shopping is an experience, not a chore. Also the weekend schedule allows us to be more accommodating and sharing, and it's great for our marriage."
R who had the most out-of-the-box wedding is now shuttling between the city of work and the city her husband works. However, it does not infuriate her in the least, " He is a lazy bum, I knew that way before we got married. I like to unwind by dancing my head off and he likes to be a couch potato with the TV remote as an attached limb. I moved continents for him, and then he moved cities for better prospects. I get that, it's freaking annoying but i get it. It is better that we spend the weekend together than 5 days a week cribbing about why we are not spending quality time together, why he is not dining with my friends or why I'm not watching the movie with him. So, I travel Friday night or Saturday spend a good day with him and return Sunday afternoon. I get my time, he gets his, and we have our time. Its a win-win situation."
Mini me has a more pragmatic tale of love with her beau working in the same industry as they are extremely competitive (enough to get each other sacked). "We both are very rude professionals, we have at many points cut each other short for our gain; but that was before we fell in love. With marriage, we became worse, we'd get the work home and take the home to work. So we both decided to be flat-mates for week and husband-wife for the weekend. Many of our new colleagues do not know that we are married, we are that professional. The weekly rules are clear, he does everything for himself, by himself and at his schedule. I do not touch any of his gadgets and vice verse. The weekend comes with its rules too, we do not discuss work or any thing related to it. If we are out and are spotted by our colleagues, we ignore them. The weekend is for us, and us alone, through the week we make time for our dinners and hang outs - weekends are for close friends, family, and our future plans, and over time, we have become very thrifty with that space."
I like and sound of it, the functioning seems a little crass but hey, if that saves your marriage from being a cliche one, its worth a shot.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Aug 7, 2010
May 17, 2010
Holy Matrimony
Most of K's friends are married. That makes her ears ache.
However most recently, she started to observe them, closely. they were not the kind that her mother often hankered about. That attracted her even more, so she dug and dug (to her friends curiosity) till she found the mole she was tagging.
Here it is : 'Marriages, that i have encountered, [being specific is very important. because all crows are not black. (no, i do not expect you to understand the joke.)] have a certain comfortable strangeness and selfishness to them. The 'I' is very much intact in the 'We', the chores divided; the care, mighty pragmatic; and the love, well bargained.'
What a relief!
However most recently, she started to observe them, closely. they were not the kind that her mother often hankered about. That attracted her even more, so she dug and dug (to her friends curiosity) till she found the mole she was tagging.
Here it is : 'Marriages, that i have encountered, [being specific is very important. because all crows are not black. (no, i do not expect you to understand the joke.)] have a certain comfortable strangeness and selfishness to them. The 'I' is very much intact in the 'We', the chores divided; the care, mighty pragmatic; and the love, well bargained.'
What a relief!
Apr 24, 2009
Order and Outcome of an Arrangement
In K's opinion, people attend engagements and weddings not for the solemnity of the occasion but to critically appreciate the arrangement.
Subjective emotions spurt at every 'and he's chosen her as a life partner'? The her said with much dislike and repel. Well, when K was neutral (in her subdued sarcastic way), Wise capitalist and Chameleon went all the way to disclose their judgment of Style Icon's bride to be. Childmom kept mum, and the 'eternal objective moral support' that he is, the unfledged loudmouth was 'supportive.' A unanimous opinion of the wise was, that he lacked foresight.
K was happy that the Style Icon was happy, the quality of what made him happy mattered little. It is, again, very subjective.
In a quite conversation with Childmom, K recalled a chat with the meat eater, uber chic, and pretentiously desi Wasabi, where he was disappointed with a lady he met and while voicing this with mirth and cunning eloquence - he was honest enough to admit that the criticism of her traits were only because he genuinely did not like her. If he had; the mannerisms and the thriftiness would have been overlooked generously. All to end up falling in love with a Jain vegan!
And K realized that YES, That's what it is! Like in a love marriage or an arranged - you just like a person and when you do - all the barriers that you had wisely chosen to sift out the unwanted disappear. Age, profession, interests, food habits, qualification, finance, intellect - na, none of them hold much good. There will be more sly ways in which you would want to show how wonderful the new found soul mate is, how most appropriate the decision.
I sometimes do not believe that arranged marriages are thoughtful barters as they claim to be, at least, 21st century marriages aren't! I like this element of careless love, the eye locks, the quite hand holding (beneath a shawl)... and the stolen moments/ kisses in between work.
Love can never be arranged - it's in a moment and it can not be learned; it is not a habit, an ability or an acquired skill. It does not come with time, with two people who have chosen to live comfortably together under favorable stars.
Style Icon's marriage in my opinion is more love than arranged. And I like the sound of it!
Subjective emotions spurt at every 'and he's chosen her as a life partner'? The her said with much dislike and repel. Well, when K was neutral (in her subdued sarcastic way), Wise capitalist and Chameleon went all the way to disclose their judgment of Style Icon's bride to be. Childmom kept mum, and the 'eternal objective moral support' that he is, the unfledged loudmouth was 'supportive.' A unanimous opinion of the wise was, that he lacked foresight.
K was happy that the Style Icon was happy, the quality of what made him happy mattered little. It is, again, very subjective.
In a quite conversation with Childmom, K recalled a chat with the meat eater, uber chic, and pretentiously desi Wasabi, where he was disappointed with a lady he met and while voicing this with mirth and cunning eloquence - he was honest enough to admit that the criticism of her traits were only because he genuinely did not like her. If he had; the mannerisms and the thriftiness would have been overlooked generously. All to end up falling in love with a Jain vegan!
And K realized that YES, That's what it is! Like in a love marriage or an arranged - you just like a person and when you do - all the barriers that you had wisely chosen to sift out the unwanted disappear. Age, profession, interests, food habits, qualification, finance, intellect - na, none of them hold much good. There will be more sly ways in which you would want to show how wonderful the new found soul mate is, how most appropriate the decision.
I sometimes do not believe that arranged marriages are thoughtful barters as they claim to be, at least, 21st century marriages aren't! I like this element of careless love, the eye locks, the quite hand holding (beneath a shawl)... and the stolen moments/ kisses in between work.
Love can never be arranged - it's in a moment and it can not be learned; it is not a habit, an ability or an acquired skill. It does not come with time, with two people who have chosen to live comfortably together under favorable stars.
Style Icon's marriage in my opinion is more love than arranged. And I like the sound of it!
Nov 17, 2007
Why, I am seriously asking WHY?
Why do sensible women fall for losers? What has flipped? I'd like to know. We all date losers and wanna bes' and mommy boys' but we don't marry them! Be it Hollywood (like in the pic) or the upper middle class in Bombay -across the globe or social strata, women still wish to marry a man standing steps lower. WHY?
Seven women in my life have and are marrying 'wrong men', it has shocked and shaken me since. I was talking to Demeter about the latest 'what the fuck is wrong with her!' and she asked me to define loser. That got me thinking- Loser is gender neutral, and for me defined when the couple does not match up to each others' caliber. Like Ice and Wise- capitalist couldn't have done better but Self-centered-leech, fruity, Demeter, Child mom, Prep-plastic, Lexicon could certainly have.
I no more know what to see in a man. The gold digger in me goes- bling, bling and more green bling, the idealist in me wants to marry the wind, the masochist in me- an MCP and the me in me wants to marry a better, male version of ME! (Could anyone have been more self-indulgent?) But i certainly don't want the partners my 'Quilt Dewellers' have chosen, i just can't stand a man without a spine or an identity!
Fruity, Lexicon, SCL, PP- their beaus are relocating, making adjustments and being super obedient; clearly they have the upper hand and i am very happy about it. But what is the fun of having an obvious upper hand that ur partner starts to look like a pet poodle, who no other chick will sigh over? Its silly but i can't respect a guy who doesn't know what he wants and doesn't have back up plans and is tying d knot- i disrespect the same in a woman.
I am very mozzarella over this and got so annoying that days ago, when on the phone i asked Loud mouth to re-reconfirm whether he really approved- he just yelled in, “how does it matter to you or me, its her life, her family and her joy!” and cut the call! Since then we haven't spoken on the topic. But I couldn resist and spoke to Child mom, she said that she liked him because fruity liked him (i said the same when i was asked - we are such lying bitches!), so i threw a twisted Q- What if i get someone like him? She shot back and said- “That is not your choice, U can't marry some idiot, i wont let you.” I was so relieved that i bear-hugged her.
But the real answer came form a man, not a woman- as i expected. Chameleon heard me talk sour and pulled me up saying that i was being gravely judgemental. He claimed a justification and I was, “Hmm, apart from the fact that i know and feel for them, i think they are ruining their chances a of a better life. They are getting married to guys who will not grow up and eventually they will have to shoulder everything of the guy. Love and being 'nice guy' is all good but when it comes to the jerks and perks in life- you need way more than that!”
He agreed and countered, “what makes you think it is a blind choice and not a conscious one? They are educated, smart, working, ambitious and beautiful women- if they decide to be with a guy not as half qualified as them, then maybe they want it that way. They want a guy they can mould, bend, mommy; they want to call the shots and the guy is fine with it. I don't think it is a compromise- its just reversal of power. The women have decided to take the lead-”
And will the man be happy, i ask? “Of course, a man's needs are limited and till he is not the one burning out - why would he crib? The problem will arise eventually, then he will take a call- but by then he will know his way around.” WOW. I was spell bound to even shake my head to that reply. I envy the fact that a men can think with such clarity and be so cool about it!
He isn't wrong, women are having their cake and eating it too- but would u want a trophy partner? I don't think i do. I want to walk hand in hand, a bird should marry the wind (and vice versa) not the fish in a pond. i want a partner that supplements 'us' not complements 'me'- like i would. It is a desire for a ridiculously idealistic partner, but as Child mom, Sunshine, Wise Capitalist and I say, “Why not?”.
Seven women in my life have and are marrying 'wrong men', it has shocked and shaken me since. I was talking to Demeter about the latest 'what the fuck is wrong with her!' and she asked me to define loser. That got me thinking- Loser is gender neutral, and for me defined when the couple does not match up to each others' caliber. Like Ice and Wise- capitalist couldn't have done better but Self-centered-leech, fruity, Demeter, Child mom, Prep-plastic, Lexicon could certainly have.
I no more know what to see in a man. The gold digger in me goes- bling, bling and more green bling, the idealist in me wants to marry the wind, the masochist in me- an MCP and the me in me wants to marry a better, male version of ME! (Could anyone have been more self-indulgent?) But i certainly don't want the partners my 'Quilt Dewellers' have chosen, i just can't stand a man without a spine or an identity!
Fruity, Lexicon, SCL, PP- their beaus are relocating, making adjustments and being super obedient; clearly they have the upper hand and i am very happy about it. But what is the fun of having an obvious upper hand that ur partner starts to look like a pet poodle, who no other chick will sigh over? Its silly but i can't respect a guy who doesn't know what he wants and doesn't have back up plans and is tying d knot- i disrespect the same in a woman.
I am very mozzarella over this and got so annoying that days ago, when on the phone i asked Loud mouth to re-reconfirm whether he really approved- he just yelled in, “how does it matter to you or me, its her life, her family and her joy!” and cut the call! Since then we haven't spoken on the topic. But I couldn resist and spoke to Child mom, she said that she liked him because fruity liked him (i said the same when i was asked - we are such lying bitches!), so i threw a twisted Q- What if i get someone like him? She shot back and said- “That is not your choice, U can't marry some idiot, i wont let you.” I was so relieved that i bear-hugged her.
But the real answer came form a man, not a woman- as i expected. Chameleon heard me talk sour and pulled me up saying that i was being gravely judgemental. He claimed a justification and I was, “Hmm, apart from the fact that i know and feel for them, i think they are ruining their chances a of a better life. They are getting married to guys who will not grow up and eventually they will have to shoulder everything of the guy. Love and being 'nice guy' is all good but when it comes to the jerks and perks in life- you need way more than that!”
He agreed and countered, “what makes you think it is a blind choice and not a conscious one? They are educated, smart, working, ambitious and beautiful women- if they decide to be with a guy not as half qualified as them, then maybe they want it that way. They want a guy they can mould, bend, mommy; they want to call the shots and the guy is fine with it. I don't think it is a compromise- its just reversal of power. The women have decided to take the lead-”
And will the man be happy, i ask? “Of course, a man's needs are limited and till he is not the one burning out - why would he crib? The problem will arise eventually, then he will take a call- but by then he will know his way around.” WOW. I was spell bound to even shake my head to that reply. I envy the fact that a men can think with such clarity and be so cool about it!
He isn't wrong, women are having their cake and eating it too- but would u want a trophy partner? I don't think i do. I want to walk hand in hand, a bird should marry the wind (and vice versa) not the fish in a pond. i want a partner that supplements 'us' not complements 'me'- like i would. It is a desire for a ridiculously idealistic partner, but as Child mom, Sunshine, Wise Capitalist and I say, “Why not?”.
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