Habits. In a vague conversation with Childmom, I taught her some mean lines to combat mean people. This was regarding a certain-someone who at 50 has switched to a new career. Though her family is filled with medical professionals, the level of hygiene is below the lowest allowed in a government hospital. When i saw knotty-potty, my first response was to ask her to have a good scrub bath. And after i got her introduced to the wise-capitalist who needless to say, ripped apart her sense of everything including the air above her head. I would have dismissed it as Knotty-potty's foolishness but, she isn't I.
Childmom was hurt by the display of education that superseded everything else in the certain-someone. It took me a while to convince her that education should reflect in your civil and personal behaviour, more than in your paycheck and attributes. And standing by that rule, she was better off than her certain-someone counterpart.
It's easier to deal with a cleanliness OCD than with heaps of trash, dirt and moss. Yes, the certain-someone had moss growing on her bathroom floor.
That got me to the habit of ruminating on one topic; be it Octogenarian, childmom or anyone else-- they chew on the same stories over and over- the woulds and should's, if's and must's don't seem to leave their side. It infuriates me; as it is beyond me. How can u possibly give so much importance to some ill event that happened two decades ago? Or to some person who now rests in a grave? They are gone. Restructuring them will not bring them back. As my irritability grew - it occurred to me that my tolerance levels were on a slide ride. I have been ridiculing almost everything that is unimportant to me. Certain habits, people, traits are no more wanted around me and switching off seems to be the most difficult thing to do.
The fact that i am only answerable for my life seems to have left the center spot. I am looking for things in people, events etc.. that will be invisible from my life. In brief i am learning from the mistakes of everyone around me- to say it when you have to, for it to not resurrect itself years later as a regret. And that's exactly what i did. When at the Octogenarians, Pedo called and it was our deal to meet earlier but he couldn't make it so i structured my plan accordingly. Then he called and i wasn't feeling right about leaving her for a couple of hours to meet him; especially after he made the meeting confidential. It was lying- in the most juvenile way; but it was still lying. And knowing her- i would have to give her every detail of the why, how, when, what etc.... I stepped down and now am floating on the happy feeling of doing the right thing!
