Are all of us freaks? Is it true that the ones who don’t appear freaky are scarier than the regular freaks?
The fact that you aren't a freak --makes you BIG one!
OCD’s, straight men who appear gay, gay men who are misogynists, women with shoe fetish, compulsive liars, closet sluts: we walk the ramp of continuous judgement.
We often strip the people we date from clothes to soul. Try different faces and fantasies, get schizo and then live up to the image. I do it too- I am friendly, loving, passionate, vague and finally scary!
For a change, I scared myself today, I haven’t gotten over him! How can that possibly be? It’s fucking freaky: it’s been 2 years, the longest post break-up time I have spent as single.
Whatever, it can't possibly be! I was always single-- even when I was dating, so what flipped now? No clue poppy. Today, I thought I saw him, I was frazzled (read dizzy). Couple of nights ago, I thought the same: I saw a guy like him with a vehical like his in the middle of the night. It didn’t strike me hard, but then i pondered --did he see me? what was he doing there? Partying? drinking? I know he smokes a lot more now! the trail of thoughts didn’t leave me till i was interrupted.
I appal myself! it took me 3 seconds to get over a childhood crush. 3 hours over a married guy and this idiot…. he still makes me… !?!
What? I am a freak, a clutch, a part of the chain-saw lineage? Why can’t I let go, I am not in love, but I held on to so many 'moments'. I don’t want to be with him, but I can’t be casual about it. I don’t think he is hot (anymore), but I just can’t freeze over.
This is not normal… I am freaking out!
