my empty scald hands,
The cellphone
The cellphone
sparked that
evening.
It had happened.
I had tried running – farther every year.
I had to return never the less to the same
It had happened.
I had tried running – farther every year.
I had to return never the less to the same
cursed grounds,
The stifling stench of emotions,
Of tear pools.
The stifling stench of emotions,
Of tear pools.
My entry was a head turner,
The Hargreaves alley leading to the drawing room seemed endless.
Every head in the room turned,
Every eye cutting through me,
A fusion of chutzpah and hatred.
My cousin had forewarned her children-
They were forbidden to talk to their shameless aunt.
My sister pretended familial affection and loss.
Daddy was too busy crying.
After 33 years of marriage for the first time and maybe the last.
He already looked pale and drained.
I knew he would die sooner.
The Hargreaves alley leading to the drawing room seemed endless.
Every head in the room turned,
Every eye cutting through me,
A fusion of chutzpah and hatred.
My cousin had forewarned her children-
They were forbidden to talk to their shameless aunt.
My sister pretended familial affection and loss.
Daddy was too busy crying.
After 33 years of marriage for the first time and maybe the last.
He already looked pale and drained.
I knew he would die sooner.
Sitting there I was the only pulmonary artery amongst the veins.
They couldn't accept me,couldn't pull me out
I had embarrassed my parents
Denounced my Hindutva
Sang Hail Mary with Om Namah Shivaya.
They couldn't accept me,couldn't pull me out
I had embarrassed my parents
Denounced my Hindutva
Sang Hail Mary with Om Namah Shivaya.
I left the country and never returned.
I had lived against their teachings.
I had lived against their teachings.
My father once commented to an over-friendly relative:
“Our daughter believes in distant love.
Without fail we receive quarterly allowances,
Anniversary and birthday gifts – nothing else”
My mother vehemently added, “Our love stifles her.”
“Our daughter believes in distant love.
Without fail we receive quarterly allowances,
Anniversary and birthday gifts – nothing else”
My mother vehemently added, “Our love stifles her.”
All I thought was: 25 years were enough in a country bonded by tradition.
The reel replays every now and then:
“A pious mother’s- perverted daughter.
A religious mother’s- agnostic daughter,
A conventional mother’s- destructive daughter,
An Indian mother’s- diasporic daughter,
A heterosexual mother’s- bisexual daughter.”
“A pious mother’s- perverted daughter.
A religious mother’s- agnostic daughter,
A conventional mother’s- destructive daughter,
An Indian mother’s- diasporic daughter,
A heterosexual mother’s- bisexual daughter.”
Voices hummed as I sat across the shroud.
“She has a British girlfriend,' another fat lady added, and a Swiss boyfriend too--
god what shame befell on the family!”
“She has a British girlfriend,' another fat lady added, and a Swiss boyfriend too--
god what shame befell on the family!”
I insisted on seeing her burn away
They labeled that act as well:
They labeled that act as well:
I had never been a bad daughter-
I tried explaining, “I couldn't have been any different –
I would have been a lie.”
I tried explaining, “I couldn't have been any different –
I would have been a lie.”
Dark glasses are made to hide swollen eyes: retail mantra
And there—
Waiting for the crow, I wondered whether
It would come for me?
And what if it didn't --
Would it matter?
Waiting for the crow, I wondered whether
It would come for me?
And what if it didn't --
Would it matter?
