I have a spine. After 24 years of my stupid life, i realise i have one. I have never confronted anybody ever-- not even my father. If i didn't agree to something, i simply stepped away. i have also never had any-self respect either; the fact that my life is tainted with memories of some really evil people with dangerously strong conviction, sweeps clean my confidence.
Being a Gandhian, fights depress me and i often blame myself for everyones bad behaviour: victim mentality. Years ago, i concluded that i was misunderstood and gave up. The fury within has always manifested itself in munching banana chips with cheese dip.
Sify did something to me; during the court matter, i shielded myself from everybody who was breaking down or provoking. I had made my mistakes, believed in the wrong people: now,I refuse to be responsible for their crimes. That was it, the day i stood by myself in the court, i knew i was not a loser.
Months later, i worked with an incompetent, bitter, insecure, eyebrow twitching wench, who couldn't spell 'battle'. I was determined to let my regained happiness die an easy death; aware that many had left without a word. So it was more of 'do your job and go study'. I wasn't going to slog, Sify had taught me that. Three stories a day and that's it. However Miss crib-joy wanted her coffee hot when it was cold and wanted cold when it was hot.
It's funny when ur boss takes you into the corner to tell you about a certain lady you have be-friend is warming the director's bed: when u have heard the same about her?! - the place lacked spine and my new found one was stubborn enough not to dissolve.
She made a mistake, she lied: I wanted to leave it to karma, like the rest but when i saw her, i decided to face it. We had poor fireworks: she went below the belt and i did my best to rein my tongue. i got my voice through. It was silly, it also gave others' courage to confront.
As women's studies student , i don't sympathise with her. i know she is fragmenting: bad marriage, bad love life, terrible job, crashing dreams, sick child... all of that doesn't qualify her to take it out on others. And its juvenile to believe that you can poison someones mind against others.
Dear,
Papa Bear, “Dignity is not always in silence; sometimes, you have to shoo-off a barking dog.”
Pork sausage SMSed asking if i was okay? I haven't been more okay in my entire life! :))
