Turning 25 and still not having enough testosterone to hold? Hmmm, time to reflect. Multiples is 20 and has been with who, what and where-all. I am 24- had 2 imp guys,terribly disappointed with one. Now, she's trying to hook me up with the ones I could be teaching junior college English. It’s not funny. It’s a crisis situation and I am trapped.
The last I felt this confused, irate and helpless was at puberty. I was old enough to do anything; still not old enough to do anything. Now I am old enough for all the responsibility and the action ---I am having none. I am the new 24 and old 32: where everything is exhausted young (this digression will be dealt with in good time).
Men I like are married (happily or otherwise); the ones I date are looking for commitment. By the way,what is wrong with men? Since when did ‘I am looking for a long-term association’ become manly? -- In response, a male acquaintance noted that I was getting old and my options were narrowing, and isn’t it wonderful that so many guys want to really settle with you (a nasty invisible insertion was ‘knowing you’)? He also commented on the 'liberated woman syndrome' which was the cause of all anguish: '?' n '!' followed- all your friends r engaged!how was ur sis's baby shower? What do you do with your pay check except spend on shoes, clothes and drinks? (I will ignore the last Q).
Liberated women are farcical. i couldn't possibly accept that even if it's d truth. For, I remember, there was a time when sentences began with I and not WE. The sour part is that I don’t have a WE, graver than that is that I don’t want an ordinary WE. Am I too difficult and demanding? hmmm...
Mommies' are most cruel in this phase: your biological clock is ticking! you are going to get fat and lose the youthful lustre. You will be a hag trying to live on the scraps left by other women or bald men who u ignored forever, or a man wanting a lineage: you’ll be a baby machine; but the chances are low coz your clock is ticking!
I like children, as people like animals at the zoo. Children and marriage: my problem, is that I don’t see the connection.
I have myopia and its affecting my life in an extremely adverse way. The casual attitude has dulled out; nothing is just for the sake of it. I am not advocating one-night-stands but it’s just that more guys are behaving like girls.
When have you heard of a 25 year old guy married and ready to have his first baby-- they are now! Simply,no one wishes to wait and savour the time.
Torch asked me, 'what's wrong with that?' Nothing: it’s too dammed good! its what every woman wants. Just that I haven’t found my teddy bear, then again, I prefer a man in the good old dirty definition. I don't want these sensitive, emotional fools who break down and whine and crib and bitch. I want the cliched definition: clinched, not baggit, shark nichts dolphin! That is my problem*. There are only 3 real men that I have met ( Hubbles')and every where I turn to look there are only pretty pretty boys. Has ‘the man’ become a yeti? I am scared.
However the fearful aftermath is: it may be an ideal in my head but the chances of a woman’s utopia turning into a dystopia are always higher than its vice-verse. I am scared, the air is thinning.
PS* Theorists in my head are throwing hardbound notes of female, masculinity and androgene liberation at me. Elite mocking faces at their most hated display of disappointment and rage: aaaaaawwwwwaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!:(
