~ A very old and very lost friend once said that K was the mockery of love. K, sitting amidst a gang of 'I know you like the back of my hand' overconfident friends laughed in affirmation to all the blinking fools around her - and they laughed back at her!
Years later, K bumped into one of the fools and his love story with the 'then' girl was long over and as we decided to 'meet again', the talk veered to the old and lost friend.
Fool: You remember the old and lost?
K : Of course, he was such a darling!
Fool: you know, he was in love with you the moment you walked through that college gate.
K: Ya, I know, but he was a friend and I was not in love!
Fool : (Laughs) So its been years - are you not tired of all the dingle-dangle? Why don't you settle down!
K: I would, If i'd find a man worth doing that with!
Fool: You are telling me that you've never been in LOVE?
K: Well, I don't know if all that was or if all this is love - just not my definition bro!And what's so 'real' about love anyways?
Fool :(chuckle) made him stand still. You know, He told the that "Everybody falls in love, but when people like K fall in love, they make history! Just because they are so incapable of it - that when the real thing hits them, they'd burn the world to have it!"
K: LOL, that's a nice theory, he never told me so!
They part ways and she walks along the not so lonely Matunga street, reflecting on how she knows better now. K recalls a time and a man
"Being in love with you feels like being in love with me.- K wanted to say it to him, but being too proud, she refrained. Loving him feels like someone has sinned against a seasoned sinner, when the philanderer falls for a careless widow, and when you are being beaten at your own game.
So here's for him, to know and smile and grin...
~I like smelling of you.
~I like your prolonged taste in my jaw
~I enjoy the string of goosebumps, I get, when you nibble my ears
~I enjoy our stealthy smooches
~The jaw fights
~The punches
~The claws
~I enjoy the sensations my fingertips bear when I run them through your hair
when they linger on your inner thighs, buttocks, your back, your chest
~ I am swelled by the counter sensation of your fingertips rolling in my mouth
swirling on my tongue, your finger imprints, the finger knots, the taste that slowly becomes mine.
~ Your lunar laughter that makes me inevitably laugh
~ Your mischievous threats
~ Your loving hugs
~ Your pudgy fingers as they encircle mine.
~ I like the way you dress and pose, the way you check your neck, chest arms....and the way you laugh when I stand witness to your narcissism
~ I enjoy the way you clench your jaw with a happy irritation that I know you so well
~ I enjoy the way you bully me and the way you let me have my way all the time.
~ I enjoy scolding you as you plead a childish forgiveness, meant to be forgotten.
My sweetest and most peaceful moments are in your arms. Where nothing touches me except your embrace.
My strongest moments are when you cuddle up me like an infant soul in a herculean body, when you snuggle-up, resting your head on my chest and slowly drift into another world. In those moments I could slay an innocent whisperer for the fear of waking you up.
I am a better human being when I am with you. Maybe as the fool said - this is love, the passion to protect us will eventually make history.
Showing posts with label faction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faction. Show all posts
Dec 2, 2008
Jan 30, 2008
Forlorn Vespers
The words are profound and so is my need. This is an aftermath of situation and a lost self.
I walk around with an infectious smile, “Babe, u are so crazy!” I smile and we crack dirty jokes. 'Let's go', he says, 'I have to meet her today, come with me.' I refuse, he doesn't persist. 'No, is your favorite word, is it not?' I laugh, pose as a queen and say good bye.
As I walk down Colaba, the NOs flash in my face, I cease to laugh/ smile/ smirk at passing people, vendors and kids. I sit at the Parsi bakery in Marine Lines and wait for her to come. It starts to rain, I relish the chai and look at the owner, who looks at the roof.
The book is travelling, to him this time. She lived in his apartment after he abruptly left. When she called me, I didn't know who she was or what she wanted; she uttered a name and I was there, and thats how we became friends. “ I read it, I couldn't help it. If it's any solace, I cried. I want to ask why but I guess it's none of my business.”
How did you find me?” I ask her, “From the office register, I just put two into two and gave it my best shot. You know he left in the night, without notice; the landlord was angry, but I had no place to stay, so I thank him!” She smiled asking for sympathy, my broken smile wiped hers away. He scribbled in it, we fought over it. He never let me read it. After one such fight, he text me that if I read it, I would not consider him 'much of a man'. I laughed and never asked again - certain territories were not to be crossed, he and I both knew that.
The book saddled in my hands for months, without the courage to read. I knew it would unleash something in me and trap me for ever and ever in a trench, never to be recovered. I didn't want to be a wilful slave, I procrastinated. When I read, it had his smell, I could place every moment we spent, every nod of his head that said - 'Nah, Nothing!', his feelings eloquently written. That was first time I knew a side of him that was weak, my hulk was weak. That was also the time when I discovered how beautiful I was to him. His verse, “Her Eyes Plague Me' made me cry, he was sexual and beyond the realms of my body. I remembered how he would hold my palms and pray, my tiny lean hands engulfed in two large cushions of flesh. Then there were the fights, 'Pope, she likes Pope. What kind of a woman likes Pope?' ' When she spoke of nudity and naked body, I wanted to jump off the window, it was embarrassing and she wouldn't stop.' 'My butterfly has no shame and it makes me more happy than ever. She is pure like the first melting drop from Gangotri.' I want to slip beneath her skin, it's safe there'.
I laughed and wept and returned the book to her, to return it to him. “Uski amanat lotaa rahi hooni, litchi ke chilke mere hain, woh beej legaya hai.” (I am sending his stuff, the litchi skin is mine, he took the seeds with him.)
She quietly let them be with me and hugged. “You know, he is very successful there, you should visit him. He doesn't keep well though and he doesn't paint anymore.” Tell him, 'I have grown fat and I don't paint anymore either.”
I am amorphous in your arms, I dissolve when my body is immersed in water. My foot-pad craves for your tongue and my mind for that kiss to quench my soul. I can't wander like this - I can't look for rain in a barren bazaar. The magic around me sublimates into nothingness - like an orgasm disappeared. The furniture around me shrieks, and I caress it to silence. The arch of a wooden sofa, the curve of a bottle, the circle of the glass mouth; I sit on the armchair and rock the invisible you in my arms.
I feel your weight, my breath deepens; you say, “Main agar insaan anhi hota toh teri mohobaat hota, tere rooh ki sadgi hota, teri julfon ki deewangi hota, tere haatho ka saaya hota, teri aakhon ki khamoshi hota, tere khawb hota, tere jism pe behti lehere hota, teri aawaj hota. Main agar insaan nahi hota toh... tera saaya hota.” ( If I wasn't a man, I would have been your love, the simplicty of your soul, your wild hair, the shadows that your hands make, the silence in your eyes, your dreams, the waves that feel your body, your voice. If I wasn't human... I would have been your shadow.)
A tear rolls down my left cheek, my fingers feel the strength of your spine. You look up to me and turn away - the words hold no good.
Years later, in a cafe I meet an acquaintance who you met on a plane to Paris, and asked him to remind me that if 'I wasn't human, I would have been everything I said'. “He looks like a ghost, completely lost, and he talks of you like it was yesterday.” I smile, he continues. “ He has sworn to never step into this country, he doesn't like B'bay anymore. The last time he came here, he stayed for three days and didn't get out of the damn hotel. I can't blame you, you were like the hills in Arunachal and he the rocks of Leh. It's too long a bridge to build, but I want to blame you.”
The other-side takes over and I walk away, he watches me go. Bangs his fist on the table, "Say a word for him, will you?" I turn to look and my eyes are tear pools; we look and he flops into his chair with a loud moan - "Allah, yeh kaisi ibaddat hai?" (Lord, what kind of a prayer is this?)
--------------------------
Its important to understand that not everyone understands you. What is more important is to not hold it against them.
For T - who lived her entire life in a four-month romance, For DK - on whom the stars will shine. For R - Hope he is worth the wait. and For K - May infinite love be with you.
I walk around with an infectious smile, “Babe, u are so crazy!” I smile and we crack dirty jokes. 'Let's go', he says, 'I have to meet her today, come with me.' I refuse, he doesn't persist. 'No, is your favorite word, is it not?' I laugh, pose as a queen and say good bye.
As I walk down Colaba, the NOs flash in my face, I cease to laugh/ smile/ smirk at passing people, vendors and kids. I sit at the Parsi bakery in Marine Lines and wait for her to come. It starts to rain, I relish the chai and look at the owner, who looks at the roof.
The book is travelling, to him this time. She lived in his apartment after he abruptly left. When she called me, I didn't know who she was or what she wanted; she uttered a name and I was there, and thats how we became friends. “ I read it, I couldn't help it. If it's any solace, I cried. I want to ask why but I guess it's none of my business.”
How did you find me?” I ask her, “From the office register, I just put two into two and gave it my best shot. You know he left in the night, without notice; the landlord was angry, but I had no place to stay, so I thank him!” She smiled asking for sympathy, my broken smile wiped hers away. He scribbled in it, we fought over it. He never let me read it. After one such fight, he text me that if I read it, I would not consider him 'much of a man'. I laughed and never asked again - certain territories were not to be crossed, he and I both knew that.
The book saddled in my hands for months, without the courage to read. I knew it would unleash something in me and trap me for ever and ever in a trench, never to be recovered. I didn't want to be a wilful slave, I procrastinated. When I read, it had his smell, I could place every moment we spent, every nod of his head that said - 'Nah, Nothing!', his feelings eloquently written. That was first time I knew a side of him that was weak, my hulk was weak. That was also the time when I discovered how beautiful I was to him. His verse, “Her Eyes Plague Me' made me cry, he was sexual and beyond the realms of my body. I remembered how he would hold my palms and pray, my tiny lean hands engulfed in two large cushions of flesh. Then there were the fights, 'Pope, she likes Pope. What kind of a woman likes Pope?' ' When she spoke of nudity and naked body, I wanted to jump off the window, it was embarrassing and she wouldn't stop.' 'My butterfly has no shame and it makes me more happy than ever. She is pure like the first melting drop from Gangotri.' I want to slip beneath her skin, it's safe there'.
I laughed and wept and returned the book to her, to return it to him. “Uski amanat lotaa rahi hooni, litchi ke chilke mere hain, woh beej legaya hai.” (I am sending his stuff, the litchi skin is mine, he took the seeds with him.)
She quietly let them be with me and hugged. “You know, he is very successful there, you should visit him. He doesn't keep well though and he doesn't paint anymore.” Tell him, 'I have grown fat and I don't paint anymore either.”
I am amorphous in your arms, I dissolve when my body is immersed in water. My foot-pad craves for your tongue and my mind for that kiss to quench my soul. I can't wander like this - I can't look for rain in a barren bazaar. The magic around me sublimates into nothingness - like an orgasm disappeared. The furniture around me shrieks, and I caress it to silence. The arch of a wooden sofa, the curve of a bottle, the circle of the glass mouth; I sit on the armchair and rock the invisible you in my arms.
I feel your weight, my breath deepens; you say, “Main agar insaan anhi hota toh teri mohobaat hota, tere rooh ki sadgi hota, teri julfon ki deewangi hota, tere haatho ka saaya hota, teri aakhon ki khamoshi hota, tere khawb hota, tere jism pe behti lehere hota, teri aawaj hota. Main agar insaan nahi hota toh... tera saaya hota.” ( If I wasn't a man, I would have been your love, the simplicty of your soul, your wild hair, the shadows that your hands make, the silence in your eyes, your dreams, the waves that feel your body, your voice. If I wasn't human... I would have been your shadow.)
A tear rolls down my left cheek, my fingers feel the strength of your spine. You look up to me and turn away - the words hold no good.
Years later, in a cafe I meet an acquaintance who you met on a plane to Paris, and asked him to remind me that if 'I wasn't human, I would have been everything I said'. “He looks like a ghost, completely lost, and he talks of you like it was yesterday.” I smile, he continues. “ He has sworn to never step into this country, he doesn't like B'bay anymore. The last time he came here, he stayed for three days and didn't get out of the damn hotel. I can't blame you, you were like the hills in Arunachal and he the rocks of Leh. It's too long a bridge to build, but I want to blame you.”
The other-side takes over and I walk away, he watches me go. Bangs his fist on the table, "Say a word for him, will you?" I turn to look and my eyes are tear pools; we look and he flops into his chair with a loud moan - "Allah, yeh kaisi ibaddat hai?" (Lord, what kind of a prayer is this?)
--------------------------
Its important to understand that not everyone understands you. What is more important is to not hold it against them.
For T - who lived her entire life in a four-month romance, For DK - on whom the stars will shine. For R - Hope he is worth the wait. and For K - May infinite love be with you.
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