I am going to be nice and give you a disclaimer: If you are mentally above the age of 25 then you could read this at your own risk. If you still laugh at 'men and mice' or genital jokes or are a prude by any definition - this blog has better things that you can read. The Internet, I assure you has a lot more!
Sex is something that we do not talk or write about on a public forum in a way that we should. Now, what way is that? Okay, with my limited interaction with the world I can tell you that women either giggle, brag, frown or are dispassionate on this topic. Men are not too different, except that when they hear a woman talk about it, they like it; in a perverted, cheezy kind of way. It makes them feel that if a woman is free of thought, she must also be free of cost!
We like closet sluts, those pretentiously ‘nice’ girls, 'good' women, who as Fabulous puts it in her shudh hindi 'ki unme kut kut ke kapat bhara hai' (that they are filled to the brim with treachery). I cannot agree or disagree. But I know that kind, and I find them incredibly wise. Drama King, Best Man, Chameleon, Style Icon... to name a few have fallen for them. I do not sympathize, as life equates itself constantly.
Why do we feel the need to legitimize sex, validate it, give it a purpose, make it a journey rather than a destination? Why do we need to tag adages to it? Oh, I love him/her; oh, I am waiting for the right one! oh, I want an emotional connect, oh, I want to marry him/her!
Why should a woman feel disrespectful when she has sex for gratification alone. Why should a man feel like a jerk, when he does the same? Why degrade sex by bribing and corrupting it?
What dissociative genius is at work in that brain of yours that makes you do extremely contradictory things! I am beat. My small truncated brain cannot dissect this harmony of chaos.
We also enjoy a certain prude impotency to the act. (And I call it an 'act'. like eating is an act, so is writing.)
We may be the only civilization in this world who overvalue inexperience in this domain, and mind you, irrespective of age. A 35 year old virgin commands more than a 19 year old without half-an-inch of skin (in case of a woman). Why? It is so stupid. why would you not want another person to go through the learning grind and then meet you at a game, that could be one hell of a tournament! It's like hoping to play a great set of tennis with a person who calls a tennis racket a bat.
What people want is a crappy novice with no inkling to better her/himself... and all in the name of prudence and culture. I am short of saying, Get a life! Okay, said it.
And all this while, we enjoy a heavy doze of porn, (the industry is booming- someone must be watching!). Why would you watch porn, when the real thing is so much better? And what pleasure are you going to receive by watching two people wrapped in ecstasy when you are left high and dry? The underground sex toy market in Mumbai is so prosperous that I now have to mention it in my work. People are doing it - and what shit, they are doing it to themselves. Are they crazy? Why won't they go up to nice people and say, 'hey, I'd like to go out with you' without the fear of being judged, or you’d rather moan over their pictures on FB? But then again, I have never claimed to understand people. I don't want to sound like Samantha in 'Sex and the City', but there are too many people who are horrendous in that department. I have hairy, gory, 'thandi kakdi' (cold cucumber) stories to tell; which I won't.
Me being myself spoke to my close circle:
The theory of 'first hand and second hand'
Childmom is a prude of the most ancient kind. Why would anyone want to drive a second hand car? was the question she asked me. I did not understand the connection. So she gently explains, 'See, we all like FOB (fresh off the boat) things. No one likes a handed down garment or thing or person.' That is when it hit me - and I wanted to hit her. How could someone equate a human to an object? How can a human being become second hand? She ignored, stating, 'I waited for that one man, whom I'd be physically bonded with in pleasure and love. Unlike your kind who would 'go dancing with boys and never bring them home' (that elaborate rubbish is her way of saying sex).
I feel insulted. But that is not a point here - so I ask her my most genuine question that she (the chef) would fathom. 'How do you know a plate of lasagna is best suited to your palette, unless you have tasted different preparations?' 'How can a vegetarian say meat tastes horrible, unless he has tasted it?' She, now visibly insulted and angry barked rhetorically, 'How can you equate sex to lasagna?' My reply was obvious, 'Just as you can equate people to second hand cars'.
A man with a begging bowl
When on this topic with Drama King, we of course spoke of the 'cat woman', the only goddess he ever had in his life, and has her no more! He was more forthcoming than usual, "Arrre, every time someone talks of love-making, I cry, and then run away." Gone are the days of youth when pleasure was respectful and admirable. Now is a time for cheap foppery and a bent back. For him, at least. His 'ladli lady' has been calling the 'shots', since the last time they spoke of any ‘action’. But we won't go there.
When I told him that there is something called 'Pure sex', he turned to acknowledge that people have forgotten the goodness of sex without strings. “Now I have to ask after weeks and weeks of hinting. And now I am tired even of the thought of asking. How can a man worth any salt ask his woman? What do I say, ‘will you do me a favor of going down on me? Will you please shave?’ It used to be so subtle and smooth sailing - with no words, no gestures, no bribing, no fights, no 'terms and conditions'. A look would be enough. Why cannot all women be like that?”
In my defense, I tell him that he chooses weird women and weird women have weird problems!
My point is that here is a man who knows the art of love and is willing to share it with equal zest with his beautiful ‘ladli’; but when she starts to treat it as a job, the job is done.
The genius
The only man in sync with me on men is the Metro-sexual genius who does acknowledge that men get emotional and impotent with lightening speed. Even in their 30’s they want to own your body. He too like me is living his life in joy and willing to wait for someone equivalent to his caliber. The genius is in waiting, as he puts it. Play the game, and play it long and play it well. When you find a partner, it would be a gift for him or her to see you as the panther.
