Writing by hand!?

What I have missed the most over the years is a letter in my post and buying stamps to send one. I saw the old post man in his Khaki government uniform today after almost a year or more. It's odd how the digital has taken over, I love technology, I indeed do. I am waiting for the dragon speak (or so I've heard people call it) software to launch! Then the talking speed will kill the typing speed and cure people of carpel tunnel syndrome and other disorders related to being restricted to the keyboard.

However, when you've been to a school where they made you write your defaulted homework 25 times or made you write the same futile / fallible sentence 'I will not misbehave in class' 100 times - you will miss writing! Especially the fancy pencils (with rubbers on the back or back- scratching plastic holders; yes, I had cartoon ones as well!) and the fantastic (leaking) china pens!

Then there were those hated summers with the cursive writing books - and gladly they were discontinued during the 'secondary school'. That was the phase I enjoyed observing people the most! Our hand-writings' were developing just as our hormones were charging, our minds were shaping, our idiosyncrasy speaking out loud. The straight arrows in the sky, stuck to each other words or the one finger gutter space between them or the circular pearls that always won the best hand-writing competition. There were also the grasshopper's legs or the large elephant like writing that took-up three words on a line. The long 'g, j,y' loops that ended on the heads of other letters or clashed with the 'l, t, p'. None of them now can be seen, my handwriting analysis course also lays waste.

I don't care for what has gone but what is left of it remains hidden in a questioning poignant space in the mind. When personal quirks of handwriting, the emotional upswings and downswings marked on a page becomes an alien thing; When Times New Roman, Verdana, Trebuchet, Arial feels like an extension of the self, while our own fingers, their handwriting feels like an aberration, an embarrassment, an oddity. Then, don't we lose something- some ability?

I feel it today, know that many do too. A decade from now, I won't feel a thing. I won't miss any of my well preserved stationary.

However, I have to thank my mother for all the cursive writing I've had do. Just feels right to thank her.

Dostana ....

For friends,

Some who are near and seldom meet, for the ones I bump into train compartments, the ones who left in search of a better life and remained virtually very close, the one who were friends and have disappeared since, for friendships that were never meant to be, for friends who became lovers and then hateful exes, for friends who got bore no inhibitions, for friends who always stood by and for the ones who turned their backs, for the ones who got caught in the medley of work pressures and personal hassles, for the ones who gave-up on friendships, and finally for all of them who spend countless wonderful, exciting, comforting, bored, fuck-all moments with me - in class rooms, house parties, poetry sessions, movie halls, on kattas and canteens, with cutting chais and in loud pubs with a dozen empty shot glasses.

Life is indeed made of little moments...

And I bow in gratitude to all my crazy and loving friends for making this life a hell of a spinning joy!

Monarch (U are indeed the worst of the batch devil send on this planet... I am so in love with u!), Shedevil (beyond words...BITCH), Talkathon (i love you drunk), Soul sister (U indeed are a better part of me), Oyster Seeker (Kal ho na ho, Tu aaj BEST hai! P.S If I were a guy, I'd be you!) Drama King ( U are my crazy charioteer), Monk (U are my best bet and my last shot at survival), Black Pearl ( I'd apologise, but I am tired of being sorry - U know I don't fake love.)

...... the ones mentioned and the ones avoided (coz they were too special and I am forgetful)
U make my world.... MMMMMMMMMWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAHHH

Birthday wishes

To,
All the wise and hateful Librans in my life. I love you and envy you and detest you for having killed the joy of the extremes....

Nothing lasts forever - and its never too soon.

Let your balance be achieved and success be relished.

pudgy fingers, wise capitalist, monk with beads, metrosexual womanizer, thin tin...

HAPPYFUCKINGBIRTHDAYTOYOU! Mmmmmmmmwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh :D

Man v/s State

Fag's End

Kick the butt... I've heard it and so have you. Statuary warning is different from a government imposed ban. It doesn't fit right, even if you look at the larger picture in the long run. Okay, lets get this straight, prolonged usage of tobacco is injurious to health, just like T.V, porn, the X-BOX, alcohol and food. Excess makes mess, but should we not have the 'right or the freedom' to make mess?

This so called Utopian creation kicks a whole lot more than just a nasty habit. Although, I am neither anti nor pro smoking - it takes a little common sense to observe that non-smokers often treat smokers as a tight-arsed chick would treat a diseased dog. The facial exclamations, the fake cough, the sly asides of 'Oh, my god, I am choking'... all are dirty tricks to ask a smoker to --- go do it somewhere else' . Politely enough, they apologize and move away or stub that butt.

In a recent conversation with the Childmom who detests smokers, she claimed that they had no sense of ethics or manners... and i could not stand that assault on them as I have seen them in the best of their manners - be it dancing in a pub, where the ciggs are raised high in the air to not accidentally burn someone. Or for instance they refrain from smoking in front of kids or old people. It's not the guilt of doing something wrong, but the plain respect.

I guess the ban will set in in a couple of weeks, although I see people still smoking secretly in alleys, parking spaces and cabs. We will get used to making smoking an occasional 'cool tripper' like we do it weed, manali, hash et al. secretly relishing the joy of ecstasy.



Dope Watch

After the dammed ban was announced, narcotic cops raided a pub in the suburbs and found more than 200 hundred people high on some substance. The press claims so, thorugh a random test of their blood reports.

Loud mouth like many others was relishing the news. It is a sadistic kind of joy, on one hand you would condemn it and on the other envy that they are getting all the fun and therefore deserve to be punished. It was a regular discussion that was aborted by his silence. A silence that came from being a puritan.

(yes, i get aggressive with my stand sometimes)

He claimed how people today are nose deep into addictions. My retort was simple - we all are addicted, for starters he is addicted to the morning paper and chai. I am addicted to books and movies. We are all addicted to something or someone. so what if others are addicted to things like tobacco or dope?

Banning or raiding is not going to stop that, it will instill fear and curiosity for the object banned. remember Adam and Eve in the book of Genesis. If God hadn't banned the tree of knowledge, they would not have been tempted.

Between, the best decade ever across the world were the 60's when drugs, love, war, music, revolution, genius, pop art and peace walked and in hand...

The only solution is to get-over the addiction... legalize it! People may smoke-up every day and then one fine day get bored of it. Like Beer drinkers in Germany or S&M in Amsterdam - its a no-issue in the country.

Point is - when educated professionals indulge, it must be taken for granted that they know what they are doing. they are not naive like teens in college or school, these people are aware of what they are snorting, inhaling or injecting. they are responsible for the repercussions of their acts of indulgence. So let them BE!

I have a question for our Narcotics Dept and the sensation sellers (who pretend to be news gatherers) Why don't you guys ever raid the Kumbh Mela? test the blood of those obscene sadhus - and find an answer to their devotion. If you got the galls - then do it and see how the gov. reacts. Don't punish us because we follow the law. Selective justice and concern is the most plain face of hypocrisy and a prime sign of a degenerated state.
Bugger off.

Taming Of The Shrew

~Why do men want to bully a woman who detests being taken for granted?

~Why do they have this urge to humiliate her into submission and then breath in peace?

~Why is the phrase 'be a man' applied to a man when a woman fights back?

At the lunchangular K heard the bum-joker mouth "I want to see you cry", she turned to show him her middle finger. However, what ticked her off was the man's desire to see her weak, lost, helpless and as the Oyster Seeker puts it tamed.


What drives a man to feel and fall this way? What cheap pleasure does he derive? Which space does it fill? Why does a man need this kind of a challenge?

In a random conversation with the Oyster Seeker about boyz, he was thrown over in amazement that other men could take a bit of physical abuse from a woman. K understands that he isn't of the kind but the others weren't any 'less-of-a-man'. And what is so humiliating in a woman breaking down a man, when most men do it all the time in the most surreptitious ways?

However, we have known through history, cinema and literature that the man is often in love with the 'idea of being in love with a difficult woman', rather than just being in love with her. Love stories are a bucket-full of bullshit only for this reason. Only for this reason, I do not believe Monarch, Beach Boy, Black Pearl, Oyster Seeker amongst other love me.

What would happen to a Cathrine if she had not given-in to the cunning Petrucchio. What if she would have been too proud to claim that she would not wear a mask of the 'tamed idiot' to fool the world and remain a dreadful and much scorned shrewd?

What would become of her except a fearful, hateful, angered Atossa from Alexander Pope's honest portrayal of Characters of Woman? The old hag that negotiated her way and never compromised her pride, was never fooled by a man and was never loved or cried upon in death.

Machismo, men do not understand is a poor foolish illusion. Resignation, a cheap negotiation to blind these bull-headed fools.

Someday, K going to be very very tired of these gender games.

The Stomach Churn

It's an old unfriendly feeling. There has been a rejection, not because of lack of talent but because of what happened between three women in a trapped terrible situation.

K had an appointment with a new name in her life. Although she was not too excited about it, she wanted to give it a shot. Hope is probably her dirtiest addiction. Things were alright till she faced someone she would not care to otherwise. It was a name from her past and what had trespassed between them went from brilliant to bitter. There were never any direct confrontations, no across the table talks. There were silent negotiations. It was vital that they gradually erase each other from their phones, their social networking friend's lists. No connection ever to be retained.

K knew that if the three women crossed each other again they would not want to stand in the same room, or be seen in the same image or be spoken of in the same sentence. Each one had taken a bad decision, each betrayed the other. Their biggest mistake was to trust each other. K had never regretted standing by the other when the hills were falling - it came as a horrible lesson to know that she was the only one buried under that load.

Suddenly facing her came as a happy and nasty surprise. Happy coz she had moved on, nasty coz there was a clear sense of 'we can't function together'. After crossing her and exchanging plastic hugs, K knew she had wasted her time. The personal would get an upper hand over the professional. Nothing would come out of this, the sad part was that she wanted something out of it. Maybe a way to turn around and say - "If I can fall, I can devil dammed rise!"

For two days, she speculated that hesitant answer, which she knew was a negation. When she heard it, she let out a paradoxical sigh - of sadness and relief.

Somethings are best buried and some people best avoided.

Emotional High

Have been on one for couple of weeks now. Since yesterday, its been a crazy trip. So crazy that I want to hug someone and cry my head off - I am incapable of doing that right now.

Emotional release never seemed more urgent than right now. Spoke with Monarch yesterday, and just when I'd decided to make my peace with our follies - he gives -in. Sometimes, when the arms of the person you've taken for granted are leaving you - you do everything in your capacity to reach out and grab them. That is what is happening with the Monarch and I. We hate hate each other with unmatched passion - and miss each other with the intensity of hell's cold fires.
It's the purest form of love and loathing.

There is an empty space with my heart that no number of friends can fill - a space relegated to the Monarch. A vacuum that I would never forgive.

Dear Monarch, I will be wearing my Armour only to surrender my shield. No apologies for being old fashioned - Saber is still my most trusted weapon.