Prologue

I return to Mixed Bag a year later. If someone were to ask what have I felt in a year - I would be able to express by digging a well-like hole in the ground and weeping into it. It would fill to the brim and then return to the earth with no proof left of any remainder emotion. I could  live through days and months, but not make phone calls to soul sister, halo, sunshine, drama king or my never husband, I could not type a single line on Mixed Bag.

Not that I have nothing to say, it is that I have 'nothing' to say about the topsy-tuvy life choices, about the melancholy that drowns me, the waning color my heart and numbing of my mind. I have everything that I always jabbered about. I  have is all the props and the characters, however they are without a soul. I pray everyday that I maybe blessed with the power to breath-in life. Maybe blessed to sooth the turmoil and to awaken the heart. To instill feeling, emotion and expression.

I relocated to a snow carpeted earth last year and went into a literary hibernation. As my former world moved with the swiftness of Mumbai's locals, I lie under a comforter, protecting myself from my demons: Some imagined, some discovered, some created.

Marriage changes everything, living with another individual, discovering them and creating a dynamics with them is a hell of a experience to live through. It makes you wiser, resilient and patient. It also teaches you to build up your guard, and you will discover that your humble heart is not fragile, that it can take much badgering without falling on its knees. What it has taught me the most is self-preservation.

for me, falling in love was equal to diving in a high wave where everything blurs, where you drown and float, where your senses are on weed and your mind is meditative. It is a 3 second phase where you are prepared to let go and be consumed only to feel one with the universe. Marriage is the aftermath, where you struggle to rise up for a gasp of air, where legs flap in uncoordinated movements, where the mind fights for clarity and your body ignores all sensation. The turbulence demands action and all the physical movements feel unnecessary, even though  programmed.

When you see the bright sky and people all around, you know that the ride is over. That the diving was satisfying; the swim after - that was mandatory.

How to deal with a Bad Kisser?

Too many articles have been written on kissing the right way, the French way, the platonic way, the passionate way – this one is on what to do when our partner kisses you the wrong way! Getting rid of the person is the easiest solution, but staying with a charmer/ lover/ cute pie, who does everything perfectly but is a bad king of kiss is a challenge. After all, kissing is more intimate than sex!

Something’s not right: Figure out what it is that you don't like about the kiss (especially if you are kissing the person for the first time). Detail it in writing for clarity, bad breath, is it sloppy, too much biting, you can’t breathe, are his/her hands in inappropriate places, does s/he grab and grope or simply stand there like a mannequin? Read your instinctual responses and you will get a fair picture of what is it that you like (read the unsaid). Figure out what you can change, what is a non-negotiable (bad breath) and weigh the two. You will know if you want him/her for keeps by that.

Dicey tongues: This can be difficult, because we generally like different kinds of kisses at different times. If you have a hard time defining a good kiss, you probably won't have too much trouble determining what you don't like about your partner's kissing style. Think about it, and identify the real problems so you can coach your partner along. Figure out, is the person really a bad kisser, or are you just used to something else? Keep an open mind and, as long as you're not disgusted, give it a little time. You may come to like the way your new partner kisses.

Look within: Do you really like the person? If you don't feel passion for a person, anything they do can seem wrong. Search your feelings for him/her. Is it worth spending training time or are you better off without?

Set a good example: Before having any conversation about his/her kissing techniques, go the natural way. When you kiss, do it your way, subtly guide your partner into what you like. That is by far the easiest way to teach, as kissing is more about going with the flow than following instructions.

Take the lead: Kissing is an interactive experience; partners often subconsciously take turns to lead and follow a kissing pattern. When it's your turn to lead, make it count.

Give your partner signals: When your partner kisses you in a way that you really don't like, don't be awkward to say so. Pulling away would be strong repulsive reaction.

Use body language Use your hands, tilt your head, guide or stop his/ her wandering hands. If the hints don’t work, use a little force, a gentle slap on the hand or a whisper about how they are getting into dangerous territory too soon. Equally important is that when your partner does something you like, let him/her know.

Faking it: Do not fake a moan, hold him/her closer, melt in his/her arms, and grab hair etc… unless it comes naturally and instinctively. Watching too many movies does that to you! They make you think that a bad kiss will pass off, and things will get better automatically. However, doing the above is giving a full blown green signal. On a more serious note, you are misleading the partner!

Treat is as a Job: Most bad kissers aren't bad all the time; you must use your discretion to tell them what works for you. Dirty talk helps. If you do end up having to talk to him or her about it, you don't want to just say, "You’re a horrible kisser." You want to offer constructive input. Positive reinforcement, you see! Give opportunities to change and reward them for a job well done. Keep reinforcing what you like and discouraging what you don't, and your bad kisser may become a good kisser without you ever having to repeat yourself.

Give first: Ask your partner what he/she likes about your kiss, how it makes him/her feel? Can s/he feel the ‘taste of you’ long after? What would blow his/her mind off? Does s/he like the tongue swirl, the passionate lip lock, or the butterfly kisses? Show that you care to please him/her as much or more than you are demanding. The response to please you will follow quite instantly.

Open your mind: A different kisser opens a big fun-bag of opportunities. When you are training someone to kiss you your way, leave some room for experimentation. Or you’d end up as a bad kisser, rigid without repair. If you tell a responsive partner exactly what you like and are too stubborn in this, you may find that you always get kissed the same way, which is mundane.

Wisdom

D dramaking n I had a small chat bout our failed n failing relationships. His love is barren n my goblet appears to be porous.

Here's what we concluded n learnt:

We r too open, we must restrain our need to share it all with our lovers. D when, what n how much is shared is very valuable. That defines our peace of mind, our worth and our future. We must be transparent yet opaque. After all a mirage is more beautiful than d oasis.

Language and us

My moms conversation with d Gardner:
Mom: tum aadhe jheene main aao. Tum ko oradne ka hai. Tumne zhaad barobar nahi kataa.
Gardner to me: babhi kounsi basha main Baat kar rahi hai?

Janta gyaan

Someone in d world will always be ahead of you, someone will always be behind you. You are your own competition - coz frankly, K, no one is that bothered!

lesson learnt

Never let common sense interfere with your love.

Sunshine

Sunshine's Twitter message was - Happiness is a mostly a decision.
I second that. 

Attraversiamo

"Its time", he said. There was no cajoling, no asking, no pretence of loving. That is all he said.

She walked in the dark of the night, awake in a daze of jet lag with a hazy picture and an out-of-focus image of everything she passed by. The 10 step towards a bed that promised to keep her warm in an unusually cold country. As she tucked herself under the comforter, she slid btw his skin and the bone, unknowingly.
It was the most natural action of a subconscious mind.

The Storm Bearer walked in empty handed and calmed the cold winds with a whisper. With no spoken words, hands were held. Confidants were found and two exhausted souls slept in the warm fury of their new found bed of crimson joy.

My Mind on Facebook

11:32am
I never feel alone, coz everyone I meet is fighting their own battle....

2:31pm
Some other place, some other time ... would have been nice

3.07pm
is asking d dogs of d world to leave d cat alone.

4.24pm
Needs respite from harassment - filial, emotional and mental. Love, you will have to be more patient - at least till the storm bearer takes charge of the whirlwind.

10:13am
 principium individualtionis
 

 

Ditching and Searching

In doubt i am,
We have a sorta skin deep platonic relationship.
Doubt seems to be my perfect companion.
We doubt if we'd be together. I hope not.
He is a silly kinda guy.
Yup it is Mr. Doubt. Don't think a woman could have such leech-like tendencies.

I am going to take a break from us, Mr. D.
I need to stretch my legs, go for a run, open my arms and do too many difficult things.

To,
Mr. Courage,


i hope you are available.


From,
the eternal K